Blink.
Blink.
I sit here watching the cursor blinking, and there are a million things I want to say, but I am just staring at this black line going away and coming back.
An instant. One second. That is how long each blink lasts. If I watch it long enough, I can start to hear my heartbeat to the rhythm of the blink. If I am not careful, I could sit here for a long time just watching this thing go away and come back. It always comes back at the same time, the same speed, and the same size. I find myself counting in threes.
One. Two. Three.
It doesn’t matter where I turn, self-help books, church sermons, leadership seminars, etc., the magical number seems to be three. If you follow these three steps, your life will be transformed. If you make these three changes, your life will be awesome. If you buy these three supplements, your health will be drastically improved. If you read these three books, you will find the success you desire. Somehow, we buy into the if we do x, y, and z, then we can obtain the feeling, thing, or accomplishment that we are searching for.
Somehow, it has become normal to leave little room for God to speak to us and instead take the word of someone else on how we can have a better life. We yearn for guidance through books, sermons, podcasts, blogs, vlogs, social media opinions, and others’ interpretations of scripture. We focus so much on listening for the three key steps that are coming, while writing like crazy to fill in the blanks of the sermon handout, that we could be missing what God is actually trying to speak to us. I think we do this because we live in an age where answers can be found in moments just by completing an internet search. The thought of waiting to hear from God, not knowing how long that might take, is difficult. Please don’t think that I am saying that sermons, podcasts, blogs, etc., are not important, because they are. We need as much Jesus as possible. In this fast-paced, want it now, overscheduled and overcommitted life, how much time is set aside to listen to Him and study His word? Are we listening so hard for those three steps that we miss what God is trying to show us? What He has for me to hear is not the same as what He has for you. While I am not trying to take anything away from or downplay the importance of the local church or pastors, churchgoers must realize that God is speaking through His spirit-filled Word. It is through 1) praying, 2) reading His Word, and 3) listening for His guidance, that we are able to make the decisions and choose the paths for us as individuals.
Darn.
Three steps.
See how easy it is to do that?! I truly believe those three steps are the foundation of everything we do, but each step can be so hard.
It is in this moment of authenticity, of soul searching, that I realize that I am waiting for the blinking to stop, remain steady, or just disappear. With each blink, I feel like I am walking toward quicksand. There comes a time when the quicksand is approaching faster, and one step is a little harder than the last, endlessly waiting to become frozen in the sand, feeling unable to take another step. Then, surprisingly, the next step happens, and the next, and slowly the quicksand does not seem so hard to navigate.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you are just starting to step in the sand. Maybe you are already stuck in the sand. Or, maybe you just climbed out of the sand and are back on solid ground. No matter where you are, just keep moving, even if a little bit, so that you do not get stuck. Each part of your journey starts with that first step. Not three steps. Just one step.
Have you ever been in one of those doctor’s offices where you can feel the weight of their daily appointments? Delivering diagnosis after diagnosis to parents seeking answers for their children or for adults looking for answers for themselves. This particular office was comfortable and had a variety of seating options and toys to occupy children, and on this particular day, I was there to receive the results from a series of testing that would lead to some answers for one of my children, Molly. The doctor explained that the testing and evaluations indicated that she has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). I went in armed with my smile and humor (I can be quite the comedian when the pressure is on), my pad of paper, and a pretty accurate expectation of what was coming. With the suggestions and help from the doctor, a treatment plan was crafted, there were steps to take with the school, and there was a sense of relief. I left feeling confident that my husband, Rich, and I could help Molly through this patch of quicksand and back onto solid ground.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder was something that was new for our family, but we have become more familiar as time passes. Molly is our petite, blonde, curly-haired, blue-eyed ball of energy. If you are imagining a firecracker exploding, then you have just imagined what an ODD or IED, or a combination of the two, outburst may look like from our daughter. Never underestimate the power, strength, and determination of a six-year-old. We have been working with a therapist using cognitive behavior techniques. Our bag of tricks is growing, and we are learning all about consistency, positive reinforcement, responsibility charts, and slow breathing, but the hardest one is not reacting to the outbursts.
Several months later, I found myself in the same office, with the same doctor, for a different child.