I Am Who I Am
The Process
by
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Sand
Loneliness is something God gave us, as cruel as that may seem
He uses it to bring us closer, but we use it to the extreme
This day in age there’s so many options for us to quench that thirst
But we forget the love that gave it to us to use on Him only first
If God is not an option, it can be used to self-destruct
And I have too picked a place upon its sand for a home I could construct
And when the waves came crashing in, that dwelling did collapse
Then left with the broken boards to build again from broken maps
I started to notice a pattern as my foundation kept eroding
I’d look upon the waves and see my broken shelter floating
I kept building things that we’re always destined to fall and fail
And I began to look at the home I built as a prison cell
And when trapped inside yourself with loneliness as your one and only friend
You start to look for comfort in any way you can
It can be sex, drugs, mutilation or whatever it may be to stand
But your foundation will always crumble if it’s built upon the sand
You don’t know it’s like a band-aid on a bullet wound that will quickly fall away
And you’ll have to use more of the same source to numb the pain away
So, when loneliness seeps in and tears you at your broken, tattered edge
Just know that a God so full of love is reaching for you as you stand upon that ledge
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About the Book
Addiction. It is a term that devours so many people with hopelessness and others with frustrating terror and anger as they watch loved ones destroy themselves in the process. When you are the one who is addicted, you believe there is no hope and that you can never be free. When you are the one who loves an addict, you fear every phone call will bring devastating news even while you beg, plead, threaten, and fight the addictive sin that is destroying your life and the life of your family member or friend. Addiction is never a victimless crime. It affects everyone you know and many whom you do not know. I Am Who I Am is a journey of poetry documenting the process through which God mercifully brought author Benny Martinez out of drug addiction and into His truly marvelous light. Yet, neither Benny nor any reader is perfect or will be perfect in this lifetime. He has not “arrived” to the point of doing everything right all the time, nor is his life the proverbial bed of roses. Yet, therein lies the hope! It is indeed a process through which God lovingly, consistently, and continually refines everyone who seeks Him, regardless of the hopeless circumstances that may be one’s present reality. Walk with Benny through a journey that is painful, real, raw, heartbreaking, soul-bearing and uplifting all at the same time. May you find Him.
About the Author
Benny Martinez is a no one from nowhere, but he is under the conviction that these poems can stir something intense deep inside each reader. God has freed Benny from a significant drug addiction, and he now lives in Punta Gorda, Florida, with his soon-to-be wife while he fights his way back from losing everything but his life. He wants to convey in his poetry his firsthand account of “The Process” every son and daughter of Christ must go through to be refined by the Trinity of the Lord. It is not an easy, carefree path, but by God’s grace, it is available to all who call upon His name in repentance and faith. It is indeed a process.