Standing for God's Ideal

“Holy nightmare! What have I gotten myself into?” Joe sat paralyzed. “Seems like everyone was telling me how wonderful marriage would be. Guys would say how much they enjoyed marriage. Society was saying, ‘Marriage is the greatest experience in life!’ What happened to me?”

Joe was thirty years old, had grown up in the church and did everything he knew he was supposed to do. Everything he did turned to gold, so he thought. On the night of the wedding his life turned to terror. Right before his eyes he saw the reality of what his marriage was to become. He was numb.

Joe did not know what to do. He was confused. He decided to go outside and sort out matters. Bodily, he went outside. Mentally, he went nowhere. He was emotionally petrified. His mind was frozen. He knew that marriages had their difficulties, but something seemed extra strange about this relationship. Joe decided to give it a go, with days turning into weeks, and weeks into years. At times his life felt like a runaway roller coaster jumping the track and speeding faster and faster out of control.

He finally decided to open up to others. In each case he was told to dump her, because she was a loser. He didn’t think that was right, but what should he do?

Eventually his worst fear became a reality. One day while at work in his office a man in a suit and tie walked up to him and asked, “Are you Joe Smith?” With a reply of “yes” he received an envelope and watched the mysterious man walk away – quickly. Once again, he was stunned. Like a drowning swimmer grasping for anything to hold him up, Joe called a friend. “Hey, my wife has filed for divorce. What do I do?” The friend let out a big laugh, and said, “Good, now you can go find a prettier wife.” Joe sat stunned, thinking, “So much for help in my drowning. How nice of my friend to throw me an anchor.”

Joe goes to you for counseling. What lifeline can you throw to Joe?

It must be your day for marriage counseling. As soon as Joe walks out of the room, in walks Jen, and she tells her story.

Jen and Ben were active teenagers. After four years of living together and having two kids they decided to get married. Everything seemed normal until Jen became a Christian. She was thrilled about her new relationship with the Lord. She finally had real purpose for living and joy for life. Seems like everyone knew about her change, because of her constant talking about Jesus.

Her husband noticed it too and wanted nothing to do with it. In a few weeks Ben filed for divorce. He said he had to go to church when he was young and didn’t want anything else to do with it now that he was grown.

Jen is sitting across the room from you in tears, pleading for some wisdom to save her marriage, hoping it could return to the way it had been. What do you recommend?

After you give your best words of wisdom you pray and she leaves.... Then the phone rings. It’s your old friend Bill, and he drops another bomb on your day.

Bill and Jill enjoyed years of bliss. Then one day something snapped inside of Jill. She withdrew from life. Often for hours she would curl herself into a fetal position in the corner of a room. She was not herself.

They thought it would pass, but the severity worsened. The doctors prescribed pills, but that led to doing drugs. Then she would disappear from the house for days. By then, she was not fulfilling any of her marital or motherly responsibilities and the financial losses were mounting.

Bill did everything he knew to do. What would you suggest?

Sometimes you need to give the best possible advice. In other times you could delay in giving answers and wait until you do your homework. If you are brand new to this subject matter where would you go for answers?

The libraries, counseling offices, and even pastors have a variety of viewpoints on divorce and remarriage. After you do your homework from these sources you may discover two common approaches which the authors and speakers give for deriving their conclusions.

One popular approach comes from the personal experiences of the authors or from the experiences of those close to the authors. For many who are Christians, additional scientific research and Bible verses are often sprinkled throughout their presentations.

Another popular approach comes from ministers and/or biblical scholars who evaluate the dozen or so Scripture passages directly related to divorce. The authors suggest a biblical understanding of marriage and divorce comes from the study of these selected passages.

Then you come across this book. The approach in this book is very different. The first part of this book pursues where truth originates. This becomes the true foundation for building any faith structure. The next phase of this book looks at the big picture of truth and how it relates to life and eventually to aspects of marriage. After presenting the big picture this book moves to the third phase which looks at the details of related passages.

To add to the effect of this writing, I am a pastor, and I have had the painful experience of a marriage breakup. Yet, I still believe in the sanctity of marriage and in keeping my vows. My desire for you is that you will look beyond the black and white perspectives of do’s and don’ts and move to the life of living color which God makes available to each of us when we put our trust in Him and apply His principles. As you read this book you will find God’s principles to be very practical, not a bunch of rigid rules. His truths lead us to an abundant life filled with relevance.