Praying for the Miracle

Introduction: How Did I Get Here?

It is not easy to write these words. I have a story to tell, but it is filled with pain and tears. It is also filled with great joy and happiness, but I am struggling to know where or how to begin. There’s a lot of backstory that I could fill in with details and many emotions that I want to share but that would take a lot of time and a lot of emotion. I guess I will just follow in the fashion of all storytellers, and begin at the beginning…

In January of 2005, I married the love of my life. This man showed me kindness, love, and great friendship. He often told me how he fell in love with me over the telephone, when we were just beginning to be friends. I knew I loved him the moment I witnessed his great love for his mother: How he gazed at her, eyes full of love and compassion, opening the car door for her, dancing with her at the Moose Club, and always being willing to lend his helping hands to her needs. We knew we were going to marry each other at the end of our first vacation together, nine months into dating.

We had a way of being able to balance each other. When I was angry, he was calm. When he was spitting nails, I could talk him down and we would weather the storm together. I looked forward to coming home from work to see him so I could tell him about my day and he would share events that he went through with me. It was an easy love and lifestyle that made me very happy. We had fun together and were each other’s best friend. From the very beginning we knew there was no such thing as divorce in our vocabulary, let alone our lives. For almost nine years that was true. Our life together was blessed with this loving give and take sort of existence.

In the Summer of 2012, everything changed. A series of events occurred that caused my world to come crashing down around me. The man I knew and loved suddenly became another person. Regardless of what I said or did to try to influence him and save our marriage he was unreachable. I did not know how to deal with the hurt, anguish, and frustration that enveloped me.

Looking back, this story is not so much about the events that occurred that destroyed my marriage and life as I knew it. This story is about the way that Jesus carried me through this nightmare; how God made the silver lining in this storm cloud blaze bright; and how the Holy Spirit spoke to me. This story is about the proof that miracles can and do still happen today.

"There are only two ways to live your life.

One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as if everything is."

–Albert Einstein

Chapter 1: Before the Fall

We had tried for years to have a baby. Infertility tests, bloodwork, insemination, endometriosis surgeries, months of charting through natural family planning, hormone injections, and painful miscarriages all resulted in one thing: No baby. Except this time was going to be different. In June of 2012 a young girl approached us, wanting us to adopt her unborn baby. Hesitant and scared, we talked at length about the pros and cons of the situation.

“I need to talk to your dad,” my husband said. “He’s had five kids he’ll tell me honestly what to do.”

I told him ok, let’s go even though it was ten o’clock at night by this time. I was glad to hear that he wanted to reach out to my parents for guidance. This definitely was a situation where we should be seeking guidance from any source that would be willing to talk all aspects of it out with us. The baby was supposed to be due in July and we had little time to make a decision. I had prayed for so long that we would have a family together, I was certain this was our time.

Once we wrapped our heads around this idea and my husband was able to start planning the logistics of the situation out, he told me he was going to trust my faith on this. He told me he believed that even though there was a great risk involved in this potential adoption case, he didn’t think that I would choose to go through with it unless I truly believed it was in our best interest. I told him that I was also nervous about it but that I really believed we could make it work and that it we would be happy.

Over the next few weeks, we planned, shopped for the nursery and told our extended families about our plans. I even attended several doctor appointments with the birthmother and witnessed the final ultrasound before delivery. We were so excited and thankful to have this opportunity land in our laps after seven and a half years of marriage. Over the three to four weeks of preparation, I remember just praying to God that the baby and the mother would be healthy and thanking him for this opportunity.

Around eleven o’clock pm on July 1st the birth mom texted me, saying she thought she was having labor pains. She told me not to worry, she would let me know when or if she went to the hospital as they could be Braxton Hicks. I didn’t wake my husband, he had to be up early to work the next morning and I wanted him to rest if he could until I knew for sure what was happening. Somewhere around four in the morning the birth mom texted me again, saying she was at the hospital and they were getting ready to put her in a room. She told me not to run to the hospital yet, that she would text me as soon as the doctor or nurse told her how long it would be until she delivered. She said she didn’t want us to have to sit out and wait around too long. I have to admit a warning bell went off in my mind, but I thought what did I know? It had to be hard going into delivery knowing you’re going to give up your baby to another woman. I told myself to give her some space. My husband had already left for work so what could it hurt to wait?