A Soldier’s Life

Chapter 12

Weaponizing My Love Walk

I thought I had the love lesson down pat. I couldn’t have been more wrong as I transferred to my new unit overseas that was to deploy in six months. Instead of bringing my wife and sons to a foreign country without support for longer than a year, we decided that I’d have another unaccompanied tour.

I stayed in barracks because we were to depart in six months. I did not discern the enemy’s attack on me during my first days of in-processing the unit. I would like to say that my responses to the criticisms and sly, public remarks were good or at least professional, but they were not. Day after day, things were said that I thought were meant to antagonize me. By the end of the first week on station, I let go of my peaceful demeanor and professionalism. Those who didn’t know I was a Christian, by my conduct wouldn’t have believed it if I told them I was. My buttons were pushed, and I responded with, well let’s just call them unprofessional statements.

The traditional way soldiers fixed issues between one another back then was to go around the back of the building and fight it out. The only issue with that was that we weren’t soldiers. We were leaders of soldiers whose conduct was expected to set an example for others. Before the watchful eyes of other young soldiers, I offered that opportunity to someone who outranked me, which was totally unprofessional. It was a terrible showing by two NCOs who knew better. As soon as I finished delivering the message, my new first sergeant came in the office. I thought I would be chewed out and officially reprimanded being that I, a staff sergeant, had publicly threatened a sergeant first class, but that didn’t happen though it would have been just. The first sergeant didn’t even look at me.

As the day went on, I became more irritated at the thought of having to do this assignment for the next two years alone. My newborn son was only two weeks old when I had left. I was completely out of control in my thoughts when my wife called that same evening. I didn’t want to answer the phone because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide from her what was going on in my mind. I hadn’t spoken to her that day, but she didn’t greet me the normal way she always did. With a stern voice, she asked, “What are you doing?” I knew the Lord had had her call me knowing that I had basically shut Him out and was set in my mind to do the wrong thing in retaliation for the humiliation I had received from that NCO.

I told her what had happened and how I had decided to fix it. In her patented way of softening my heart, she said, “Baby, you’re a man of God. You walk in love toward everyone. Whatever someone said or did to you is not worth what you’re intent on doing to him. You know that whatever you’re thinking about doing is not the right thing to do.”

I told her I needed to get off the phone, and she said to call her the next day. I considered the rightness of her words, and I asked the Father to forgive me and tell me the right thing to do. The Lord said, Ask that person to forgive you. I couldn’t believe it. I asked, “Why should I ask him for forgiveness? He started it. He should be asking me for forgiveness”. At that moment I acknowledged my lack of maturity in the whole situation.

But I knew He had said all that He was going to say about the matter. I asked Him, He answered me, and then He dropped the mic. I had a decision to make; would I be obedient or not? It was as simple as that. I was so drained from the whole ordeal that I fell asleep in my uniform. When I woke up the next morning, the dilemma was right where I had left it, right in front of my face, because I hadn’t made a decision.

I put my physical fitness uniform on to go to first formation. There was no way around or out of this issue. The situation was coming to a climax in my heart; I had not decided to obey or disobey God. Then I said, “Father, nothing is worth hindering my relationship with you, so I forgive him, but I need your help to do what you’ve told me to do.”

I walked the two blocks to the formation and saw him standing in front of the platoons, over sixty people present there. I was determined to do what the Father had instructed me to do. As I came near to the NCO to willingly do what the Father directed me to do His presence came over me. I saw the NCO not as an enemy but as the Father saw him. I felt the love God had for him. I knew that if my Father loved him, I should as well.

With everyone looking and listening, I told him, “Sergeant, I don’t know what I’ve done to offend you, but I apologize for it and won’t conduct myself in that manner again. Will you forgive me?” All the soldiers heard me and looked at us in disbelief.

Then the unthinkable happened. The sergeant first class started dropping some tears and apologized profusely for how he had spoken to me all week, and he asked for my forgiveness. He told me he hated the way he treated other people; he said he’d be a better leader than he’d been from that point on.

Praise God! I could not have witnessed a bigger victory than that. He stopped treating me and others the way that caused many to loathe him. During my time in that unit, no one ever experienced problems with him like that again. The true love of God conquered that day.