Rethink...For a Change
Transformed Living through Transformed Thinking
by
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Often, we look first to our behavior when we want to change something about ourselves or about our lives. In fact, we have heard others (teachers, parents, spouses, etc.) say to us, “You’d better change your behavior, or else!” We work on our behavior, and we might successfully change for a week or two. But then, we fall back into old patterns. We, and those wanting us to behave differently, end up frustrated and at odds with each other. Just focusing on our behaviors is not enough for true, long-lasting change. Our real focus should be on the thoughts that create our behaviors.
We again have an estimated seventy thousand thoughts per day, and around 48-49 self-talk statements per minute. We are polyphasic thinkers. That means we can think multiple thoughts at any given moment. Whatever you are thinking about in any given moment owns you. Whether good or bad, right or wrong, real or imagined, you are influenced by that thought. James Aller wrote, “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”
That is why it is so important to be aware and purposeful in our thinking. In order to do this, we need to understand the thought results process. We go through this results process hundreds, if not thousands of times each day. Every emotion we experience, every action we take always follows this cycle. We do not operate independently from it. The more we understand how it operates and influences us, the more aware and purposeful we can be in influencing the process for our benefit. The first part of the results process is the situation or event. This is any situation in life we are dealing with or any event that has happened or will be happening. Situations could be slow traffic, an unexpected bill or expense, noisy neighbors, barking dogs, yelling spouses, misbehaving kids, or increased responsibility at work. Future events might be something like an upcoming presentation at work, an upcoming test, a dental appointment, the in-laws coming for a visit, Christmas, or other holidays. Past events could be past relationships, being called a name, being bullied, past trauma, job loss, or moving. The second part of the results process is our thoughts about the situation or event. Any emotion or behavior starts with a thought. When we have thoughts about what we are facing, they are either positive or negative. Negative thoughts sound like, “I can’t stand this”; “I can’t”; “I should have known better”; “I am so stupid”; “I’ll never get it right”; “Not again!”; “It’s all hopeless”; “Once again I failed”; “This is awful”; “I hate myself.” Positive thoughts might be, “What’s done is done, move on”; “It will be okay”; “God calls me His child”; “I look forward to that opportunity”; “It will work out”; “What steps do I need to take?” The third part of the results process is our emotions. Our emotions are by-products of our thoughts. Negative emotions such as anger, depression, resentment, anxiety, fear, panic, hate, stress, and feeling overwhelmed, are a direct response to the negative thoughts we are looping in our minds. The longer we loop them, the more intensely we feel the emotions. The same is true for positive emotions such as peace, joy, happiness, love, excitement, and contentment, when we focus on healthy thoughts. And like the negative ones, the more we loop the positive thoughts, the more we experience the positive emotions. The fourth part of the results process is our behaviors. Our behaviors are a direct result of the emotions we are experiencing. Either negative or positive, the behaviors are the by-product of the emotion. Fifth is our relationships. They are influenced heavily by our behaviors. The ways we act cannot help but influence how people interact with us. If our emotions are bubbling beneath the surface, they are bound to come tumbling out at the first people who cross our paths. And they will possibly affect every person who crosses our paths the rest of the day. This leads to the last part of the process—our results. The results we experience, whether positive or negative, come directly from the previous parts of the process. If your behaviors are bad (blowing up at our co-worker), your relationships suffer (everyone who saw the argument with formulate a low opinion of you), and your results will follow (your boss decides to give that promotion to someone who can manage their anger instead of you). It is so important for us to not only understand this process, but to actively influence it so our results are ones that we want. To change the result, our point of focus in this results process needs to be our thoughts.
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About the Book
Where does anxiety come from? Where do bad behaviors start? Why does fear take over? We might say these things come from our jobs, financial circumstances, or challenging people. All these things can be stressful, but they are not the cause of stress, anxiety, and fear. So, what is? Our thoughts are the cause.
When we encounter a situation, our initial thought drives everything. That thought leads to an emotion. The emotion leads to a behavior or action. The behavior or action affects relationships. Then we have the result. The result stems from that first thought. Attempting to change your behavior would be impossible without changing your thoughts. You might change for a week or two, but if you don’t change your thought processes, that behavior will come back. In my years as a therapist, I have walked many people through this transformational process into real life-change.
Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Rethink focuses on replacing harmful mindsets that promote negative emotions like depression, anxiety, fear, and self-loathing with God’s truth. Toxic mindsets fuel negative emotions and produce destructive behaviors. We cannot be truly free of toxicity until we transform our thinking.
About the Author
Rick is a certified Christian marriage and family therapist and a certified cognitive behavioral therapist. He received his B.A from Morningside College and an M.A. and D. Min from Central Christian University. He has worked in the mental health field for the past thirty-four years—eleven and a half years in inpatient psychiatric hospitals and the remainder in his private practice in Bowling Green, KY.
“Rethink is a product of my years working as a therapist and also from my own life struggles. My passion is to help set people free from the bondages that are keeping them stuck in self-destructive patterns.