The Journey Continues

My new normal

On Thursday (April 28TH) there was a memorial service for Tim Corum at First Baptist Church of Kennett Square. It was one of the most meaningful and difficult services I have ever participated in. I began by acknowledging two truths that were a reality in the room that night.

Truth #1: The church was filled with people asking, “Why?” People searching for answers that would most likely never come. Many of us had spent the last few days saying, “If only….” If only I had reached out to Tim, if only I had tried to help him more. Reality is that there are rarely answers to these types of questions. The truth is that life is often difficult and hard. We all recognize and understand that there are seasons of life which are simply painful. Nowhere in scripture does God promise even the most faithful or spiritual of us an easy, pain-free life. There will be seasons where we are left asking difficult questions.

Truth #2: During these most difficult times, God does promise to always walk with us. While scripture never promises an easy life, it is filled with promises of God’s presence in the midst of turmoil:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

(Deuteronomy 31:6)

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

(John 14:27)

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

(Philippians 4:4-7)

The scriptures are filled with passages that talk of the Spirit of God walking beside, behind, and before us as we journey through life.

As the service began we lit a candle recognizing that we were not gathered alone; the Spirit of God was there with us, to guide us in our time of mourning as we celebrated Tim’s life. It was a special night.

As the service drew to a close, I felt a twinge in my shoulder. It felt like I had pulled a muscle. The previous week had been very stressful. I assumed it was all catching up to me and it was time to relax and rejuvenate myself for a few days. One of my friends joked, “Nancy needs to give you a shoulder massage tonight.”

The journey begins

Friday morning, I awoke with pain all down my right side. It was hard to take a deep breath. Again, the previous week had been busy; it was now time to relax and let my body heal. As the day progressed, the pain worsened. During the day, Nancy and I went to the drugstore, I purchased a new heating pad in hopes of helping make things better. Later in the day, I started having trouble breathing. I could not get a full breath of air. The pain in my shoulder started to move down my right side. It felt like the pain you get when you cough too much and pull a muscle in your chest.

Friday night was Rayann’s prom, and I watched Nancy take her and a few friends off for a great evening. Rayann looked absolutely beautiful, almost too good to let out of the house! By the time the party was over at three in the morning on Saturday, it was clear that I was not getting any better. It was time to head to the ER.

Testing

Saturday morning was a lot of tests…more tests…more tests… more tests…more tests, you get the idea. Eventually, they chose to give me a room, and we started a whole new group of tests…more tests…more tests…on and on. I do want to say that the staff on 2 West at the Chester County Hospital was amazing. It is odd how you go in a patient and leave with people you can call friends.

The big C

Tuesday afternoon Nancy and I met with one of the doctors. The doctor stood at the foot of my bed and told us that I have stage IV colon cancer which has spread into my liver. It was not the news we wanted to hear. However, it was something we had talked about the longer the testing went on, and when they wheeled me onto the oncology floor.

Today (Wednesday) I was released from the hospital. We stopped by the church on the way home to take care of a few things which needed to be done. (Yes, I am taking care of myself. Part of helping me recover means I will need to stay busy; I cannot simply sit at home)

Tomorrow (Thursday) I return to the hospital to have a port put in which will be where I receive future treatments.

Friday I am meeting with my oncologist, so we can make plans and take steps toward starting Chemotherapy. Chemotherapy will start shortly and will take place every other week.

The whys return

Laying in my hospital bed throughout the day and in the dark of night, my mind would often return to the start of Tim Corum’s memorial service. I reflected long and hard on those two truths I shared with the congregation that night. The “Why’s?” spoke loud and hard through the night and in the early mornings. It was comforting to know that no matter what the days, weeks, months, and years ahead hold for my family and me, we will not walk it alone. We have the support of loved ones, both family and friends. Ultimately it is the Spirit of God who goes beside, behind, and before us and will offer His peace which passes all understanding.