Daily Walk to Joy in the Midst

Crying River

Week 14, Day 1

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastics 3:1, 4)

~Wild and strong, the Crying River twists and turns, rocks hidden beneath the surface. For a while, drifting in your raft, warm sun, calm and quiet water restore peace to your fragmented mind. Suddenly, rapids swamp the raft flipping you into the swirling waters. Swept downstream, your lifejacket barely keeps you above the drowning waves. All you can do is keep your feet facing forward, gasp for air, and go with the flow of water until cast into an eddy. Hopefully, the following raft can rescue you. ~

Oh boy, I have been there, dear ones, both on an actual river and in my emotions. As we sit beside the river today, allow yourself to grieve. Shed those bottled up tears. Give it to God and let go.

It is midnight in the hospital. I am wandering the halls in a daze when a nurse stops me, “Mrs. Del Vecchio, why did they move your husband from intensive care to pediatrics?” From a stupor, I mumble, “That isn’t my husband in pediatrics; he is still in intensive care. That’s my son.”

“Oh, poor woman,” she cried giving me a hug.

My husband was in the hospital near death with pneumonia. They opened his chest to scrape infection from the plural lining that day. On a short trip to my mom’s earlier that evening to check on the children, I found my son throwing up, his lips blue, and his breathing shallow. At the hospital emergency room, they confirmed he had Hong Kong flu, combined with a serious asthma attack. The Hong Kong flu epidemic was in full swing with people dying. They admitted my son. I was so numb, I couldn’t even cry. Now I was at risk of losing both my husband and son.

Sometimes, joy and peace are lost. The only prayer we can mutter is, “Help!” And that is enough. Cling to Jesus and hang on! He knows our every thought. He hears our heart crying out even when we do not have words to describe our anxious, hurt beyond hurt, pain and sorrow. At this point, we can turn bitter, ask why, struggle against God for allowing this in our life, or we can cling to the author of the universe. Just hang on despite the pain. And cry! A Godly woman once told me, “If a woman doesn’t cry, she becomes hard.”

Out of the depths, I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy. …. I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word, I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. (Psalms 130:1, 5)

In those times of great anguish, one cannot sleep at night due to fear and struggling. Physical aches or other symptoms may occur because of the great stress of grief. Allow yourself to cry healing tears, even bitter tears, even self-pity tears. Get alone and wail or call a close relative or friend and pour out your heart and tears to them. A little thing may trigger the tears. Let them flow. Give each tear to God our Father as a supplication. Hang on to Jesus with all your heart, for in due time, this season of weeping will pass.

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Each time the weeping is over, lift your head, wash your face, and take one step towards forgiveness, toward wholeness, towards joy. Focus on, the next right step. Ask God to reveal the next right step for you.

My husband and son both survived. I sailed through the near loss of my boy and husband with nary a tear or surface emotion. The toil those stuffed in emotions took on my body was serious. When they were both better, my days felt as if I were walking through mud, barely able to function. I was irritable and angry with those I loved. The doctor called it post-traumatic stress syndrome. Then one day, I cried and cried, afterwards slept. God’s healing balm restored my health. Once again,

You turned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O lord my God, I will give you thanks forever. (Psalm 30:11)

~Ok, Ladies, rinse out your handkerchief and tie it on your pack to dry. Crying time is over. Take the next step up and over the mountain. Put your boots on, pick up your walking stick, and on we trudge. Anyone for a chocolate raisin? ~

Prayer: Lord, some of us will not allow our self to cry. Some of us wallow in tears that never bring healing. Often, we are unable or unwilling to give our weeping to you and take the next step. Sometimes, we see no reason to get up off the couch and choose life. Lord, we ask you to take our time of sorrow, flood it with healing tears and bring good out of it. Perhaps, we will never dance again, Father, but at least tell us how to stand up and walk. Amen.

Hide in My Heart: “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand, (Isaiah 41:10).”

Choose Today: I give my tears to you, Lord, and let go.