Hope Has Arrived

Since our game was halted, I noticed the sound of my ringtone over on the team bench. Deciding that it gave me a chance to exit an awkward situation, I jogged over to answer the call. It was my bride of just a few months, Dawn.

She said, “Honey, your young adult group is meeting over at the church in a few minutes, and they were really hoping you planned to be there.”

Have you ever had one of those days where you try to cram in just a little bit more than you were ever capable of accomplishing? That had already been my day, so I tried to come up with any sort of excuse to get me out of praying with the young adults. I was tired, hungry and just not in the mindset to pray, especially after my can-crush incident with Rex.

Ever the wise woman, my sweetie convinced me to man up and go.

I told her, “Babe, I smell and I haven’t had anything to eat.”

She reminded me that there were couple of fast food restaurants on the way to the gathering, and I shouldn’t be a wimp. So king her advice, I ordered a couple of burritos at Taco John’s drive-thru. I chugged a soft drink to wash them down and managed to arrive only a few minutes late.

As I entered the church, I saw about thirty young adults, as well as five or so blue hairs in the front pew. Blue hairs are those women in your church who have been praying for you and the whole world over the past seventy-plus years, and every time they go to the salon, their grey hair gains an ever so slight tint of blue. (You don’t mess with those prayer warrior gals either because they have a direct link with God Almighty.)

Not wanting to create any kind of disturbance, I quietly found a seat toward the back of the church. The sanctuary lights were set at dim, tall votive candles were lit, and the young adults’ prayers were being voiced and heard.

I found myself lulled into a peaceful stupor. Tired and worn out from the day’s exertions, I assumed The prayer position, kneeling with my bum nudging the seat of the pew and my hands and head resting on top of the pew in front of me.

That night, the group decided to pray a beautiful prayer during which one meditates on the life of Christ. The only thing about that form of prayer is that it’s really calming and reflective. So much so that, if you’re not mindful, it can draw you into a deep sleep. (If anyone knows this, it’s me!)

Prayers continued. What happened next probably scarred the blue hairs for life. The combination of tiredness, Mexican food and reflective prayer worked like a rumbling Molotov cocktail. I had fallen asleep, waking only when I realized that I broke wind. And not just any wind, it was the loudest gale force wind ever! It was seriously so loud that it woke me from a deep sleep. It didn’t even occur to me at first that I was the culprit!

I was so stunned that it took a few moments before I remembered where I actually was. Oh, yeah. ¬

Slowly, I realized that the person leading the prayer could barely speak. She was trying to get out the next words of the prayer without bursting into utter fits of laughter. I felt like the famous comedian, Chris Farley, who tried cover his embarrassment by hiding his big, round self behind a light post! Not going to happen.

I didn’t know what on earth to do, so I just buried my head in a pious position, hunched myself further down into the pew, and fervently prayed, Lord, forgive me, for I know not what I’ve done! I figured that, if I just kept my face down long enough to regain my composure, no one would know where that gale force wind had come from.

After the final “Amen” and sign of the cross, the blue hairs prayerfully and quietly began filing out of their pew. Watching them walk toward me in the back, all I could think was, Oh no! Here comes the secret service. I hope they don’t know it was me!

The last one of the blue hairs in the queue winked at me and chuckled as she passed by. Her joyful smile told me she definitely knew who the offender was.

As they exited out into the parking lot, a roar of unrestrained laughter filled the church. Every last one of the remaining young adults looked back at me and shouted, “Kinsman! What were you thinking?”

I explained, “I wasn’t! I was sleeping, and I had two burritos too many tonight!”