Broken to Beautiful

I will always remember the grotesquely vivid dream that the Holy Spirit gave to me during my healing process.

I was outside of my body, and I was standing at a distance viewing the front side of myself. I saw that I was standing in a crucifix position with both hands extending to the left and the right. I watched as my chest and abdomen were split vertically and opened completely. Both sides rolled back in a manner like a scroll being unrolled. I then observed a large maggot inside of my chest cavity that was eating and squirming; it was full of life. I asked God, “What does this mean?”

He then explained, “Maggots feed on that which is dead and decaying. You have many wounds; thus, you are dying inside. The maggot is large because it has been feeding on your pain and bitterness for years.”

Suddenly, I witnessed a great explosion inside of my chest that ignited a fire. The fire began to spread throughout my entire body and burn into my head, toes, and fingertips. When the fire had finished fully burning, my body quickly sealed shut. Instantly, I noticed that the outside of my body was glowing. It had the appearance of a brilliantly shining silver coating.

When I awoke from the dream, I realized that I had deep inner healing which needed to be done. I was also aware that the restoration would only happen as I cooperated with the Holy Spirit. I would like to tell you that I was eager to start forgiving my abusers; on the contrary, I was very resistant to releasing them because I did not feel that they deserved forgiveness.

Holy Spirit began to speak to my heart about studying the crucifixion of Jesus and following his example as one who forgives. There are three specific aspects of forgiveness that can be found as Jesus hung on the cross. Firstly, Jesus chose to forgive. He had been betrayed, mocked, whipped, punched, spit upon, a crown of thorns pressed into his head, and crucified naked; yet, he was determined to let it go.

Jesus said in Luke 23:34, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (NIV)

The word forgive means to refrain from enforcing a punishment or sentence.

While Jesus was on the earth, he was fully God and fully man. He had the power to execute judgment upon his abusers; yet, he chose to forgive. Jesus won an immeasurable victory for all of mankind with his choice to forgive. When we choose to forgive our perpetrators, we win a great victory for ourselves and others. Our wholeness allows us to build healthier relationships with others.

Practicing forgiveness does not indicate that you must never go to court and have the perpetrator punished by the law of the land. I do feel that there should be a penalty for crime. If you choose not to get the law involved, know that God will avenge you. Sometimes the individual will suffer something tragic; other times, God will defeat the enemy by giving you a tremendous spiritual victory. He will transform you into such a different person that there is no residue of abuse anywhere in your life.

If you choose or have chosen to go to the law, be aware that many times the consequence does not fit the crime that was done to you. You may go through the trial, get a strong sentence, and feel completely justified; or, the reverse could also be true. Your perpetrator may get no or little punishment; thus, causing you to feel even more violated by the jury and the law. Whether you feel vindicated by the sentence that is given to your abuser, it is still crucial that you forgive them. If you choose not to forgive others, you will become bitter.

Hebrews 12:15 confirms the danger of bitterness, “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” (NLT)

The Bible indicates that bitterness acts as a poison that eats away at your emotions year after year. If bitterness is left unchecked for any length of time, it can damage your health and contaminate your relationships.