Lead

Lesson 1: Discovering Your Convictions

Sometimes becoming a leader means first becoming your own person. It means discovering that your beliefs, though not infallible, are not dismissible either. It means learning to think for yourself, because you know at the end of the day, you will be responsible for the outcome of your decision. Before we mature, we tend to attach our beliefs to others. We think a certain way because that is how we are told that is how we should think. In some cases, we tether our beliefs to one or two individuals that we really love, like our parents or teachers. In our immaturity, we decline to ask questions or evaluate motives. If they say it, it must be what we believe too. But as we grow, our own instincts let us know that’s not enough anymore. Suddenly, “because so-and-so said” isn’t a suitable answer for our conscious and it shouldn’t be. Convictions are born. Convictions that are sometimes opposing to those of our heroes. And that can be scary.

When I first began to lead I thought I would do everything as my mother and father had. They were my role-models and they knew what they were doing. In all their years of experience, they had built something sturdy, with a set culture and firm beliefs. And none of what I’m writing takes away from that. However, as I’ve grown, I’ve begun to discover which parts of what mom and dad had established are part of my convictions and which are simply part of my traditions. I had to question which parts of their legacy I was called to continue on and which parts I might have been called to change. Because your heroes, like you, are also human and sometimes the best way to honor them is by improving what they left behind. I had to start teaching myself that in the end it is not worth it to stand and fight for something you do not believe in, regardless of who established it, and that change is not always evil. I had to learn not to let my mind always be changed by people who seemed to know “what has always worked in the past.” Though it is not always wrong to change your mind, it’s not right to let your mind be changed for you. It simply means that you should ultimately find a way to believe in your decisions. You will sometimes have to make unpopular choices, because you are convicted that they are right and that beyond your pride, or personal feelings, it is the best decision to make.

By writing this, I by no means wish to imply that we rebel against the wishes and establishments of our leaders. In the places where someone else leads, my advice is to allow them to be who they need to be. Here, I am talking about the things you are in the position to control. I am writing to young leaders who find themselves in a certain position where they have to ask, “which way do I lean on this or that?” I am directing myself to young adults who have to decide how far they will stray from the way their parents raised them or whether or not they agree with their family’s views on God, sex, or politics. Call it your gut, your convictions, or the Holy Spirit, but lean towards being who you were meant to be. As a leader you will take heat for whatever decision you make and you will crumble if you yourself cannot defend your movements. Go with what you believe to be right after you have weighed the opinions of others.

To become a leader of integrity, you will need to learn how to walk away from a decision knowing that you did your best and followed what you believed in your heart to be right not that you bent to the status quo or relied on someone else’s convictions. I believe that learning to do this will not only make us better leaders but better people. It would keep us from keeping quiet about laws or systems that we know should change. Because if by some miracle we find ourselves within the opportunity to change them then maybe that’s the exact moment we were created for. Learn to lead yourself first. It will hurt and be uncomfortable. You will be confronted with feelings of guilt, and wonder whether you are being disrespectful to those who came before you and looking crazy to those who stand next to you. But the pain that you feel is the birth of your convictions. Twenty years from now, you will stand by some of those convictions. Some of them will have changed but you will have learned to be someone who resists simply following the paths of others. Instead, you will be someone who paves the way: a leader.