Good Shepherd, Good Husband

As we get into the more practical application of each of these phrases in Psalm 23, I believe it would be good to recap the first few chapters of this book. First of all, at rebirth we were brought into a new family, and we are called to imitate our heavenly Father. Second, we were empowered by the Holy Spirit to be able to do this supernatural work. Third, the motif of being a shepherd in our marriages is broadly seen throughout scripture. And fourth, we need to take the shepherding staff in obedience to God’s calling to us as husbands.

The stage is set, and now we arrive at the destination of Psalm 23. We can begin to unpack, phrase by phrase, the practical instruction of how to be shepherds in our marriages. We arrive knowing that just as Christ, the loving Shepherd, loves His bride, we are also called to be loving shepherds who love our brides. If we are truly going to imitate this love, we must pattern our lives after Christ the Good Shepherd. John 10:11 (NIV) says, “I am the Good Shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” My hope in writing this book is that just as David looked to the Lord and said in Psalm 23:1 (NIV), “The Lord is my shepherd,” our wives can look us in the eye and truthfully proclaim, “My husband is my shepherd in our marriage.” I am not saying that a husband can somehow replace the Good Shepherd in his wife’s life. Far be it from me to proclaim a false theology in the God-given institute of marriage. The pastor of a church does not replace the Good Shepherd, yet he is called a pastor or shepherd. The same is true in this imagery. A husband is to pattern his life after the Good Shepherd to oversee and care for his marriage.

The Heavenly Call

Husbands, I want to put this very plainly: “Prepare yourself like a man,” as it says in Job 38:3 (NKJV), and respond to this heavenly call of shepherdhood. Either you can choose to follow Christ’s example of the Good Shepherd, or you can go your merry way and forget this book was ever written. We can use all the perfect analogies and beautiful metaphors and spend our days discussing the philosophy of shepherdhood in marriage, but unless we actually care for our wives like a shepherd cares for his sheep, this book is all for naught. God is calling you to lay down your life and to walk as a humble shepherd just as God did with Israel and just as Jesus did when He set aside His glory to be a servant Shepherd to His bride! But in order to be shepherds in our marriages, we must understand the heart of a good shepherd.

A Good Shepherd Is Not …

To get a clear picture of what something is, sometimes it’s easier to start with what it is not. If you were challenged to describe what exactly the moon is, you might find yourself lost for words, but you could always point at the night sky and say, “It isn’t the darkness.” With that simple statement, you’ve eliminated a vast percentage of the possibilities and narrowed the focus.

In the same way, Peter writes to church shepherds in 1 Peter 5:3 (NLT) and eliminates certain leadership styles: “Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care.” God never called pastors to lord over the church. In the same way, husbands should never get the impression that they’re called to a lording leadership over their wives.

Christ’s leadership style, which we are to emulate, is found in Matthew 20:25–26 (NLT), where He tells His disciples, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant.” Let me share a little about my background in this area.

I grew up in the Latino culture and was raised with the unbiblical idea that a husband was the lord of the house. As a matter of fact, an older Latino gentleman told me this in my first week of marriage, “To a woman, give neither all your love nor all your money.” What a sad quote. In his confused mind, a woman was an object to control by giving her only bits and pieces of affection and provision. That’s the opposite of God’s intention for a godly overseer.

Husbands are called to “love their wives as their own bodies” (Ephesians 5:29 NIV). Husbands, shepherding is not lording over your wife but serving her as Christ does His church. Peter gives us a deeper understanding of this when he writes in 1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) that husbands and wives are both “heirs together of the grace of life.” Therefore it stands to reason that husbands are not to lord over their wives but to care for and attend to them.