Packing Light

CHAPTER 4

Different by Design

Eva (6) kept writing notes to people—one morning she made three for Mickey alone!

I had to ask her to stop because I was running out of notecards.

“But Mommy!” she protested.

“That’s what Evas do!”

My battle with legalism began with a book and was perpetuated by many more. “To [read] or not to [read]?” is a question I should have been asking myself long ago, but I approached reading the way Eva did cards—it was just something I did. Being an avid thrift store shopper as a young wife and mother, I read many Christian books written by women for women. I gleaned much solid teaching and numerous helpful tips from a good number of these books, however, sometimes the author’s opinions were put forth as the way to be a godly woman. This would often send me into a whirlwind of confusion. (I’m sure it’s obvious by now that I am extremely sensitive to written material that carries legalistic tones. What some may be able to sift through with discernment, can become for others a minefield of confusion and doubt.)

Even after I learned the difference between people’s opinions and God’s revealed will, I still struggled with the comparison trap. Nowhere was this harder than when I read about the lives of others. We, as 21st century women, have more information readily available (via the Internet) than any other previous generation. How easy it is to get caught up watching how other sisters are doing home life and start comparing it with our own. Second Corinthians 10:12 says, “. . . when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding” (emphasis mine). Failing to heed this truth, I got caught up wondering whose way was “best,” but what is best for one family may not be God’s best for another. (And what is best for us in one season of life may not be God’s will in another season.) Many well-meaning women may give you practical advice based on their personal convictions, unique situations, callings, strengths, spiritual giftings, and/or relationships with their own husbands. But we are often in very different places in life, and what works for one woman may not work for another. I struggled with one author’s writings in particular until I finally realized she was writing from the perspective and experience of raising one child. Practically speaking, she was able to do things that I am simply not able, or called, to do with seven kids.

Not All Men like Lipstick

Godly older women are instructed to “train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Titus 2:4, 5). My mom often teaches the women at our church that it is important to note the text says “to love,” not “how to love.” Please don’t get me wrong, How To’s can be great, and God wants us to have teachable hearts that can learn from others (Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”), but there are a myriad of different ways to apply Titus 2 to our lives! One reason for this is explained in verse 5: women are to be “submissive to their own husbands” (emphasis mine). I love how Scripture interprets Scripture! Each husband has his own desires for how he wants his home and family life to run; therefore, these verses cannot mean younger women are to be subject to older women’s opinions regarding the particulars (the Grey areas) of life. Another sister can tell me to be gentle in the way I instruct my children because that is a clear Biblical teaching, but she shouldn’t tell me I have to apply lipstick before I greet my husband at the end of the day. I have read in numerous places the importance of applying lipstick before your husband gets home from work, but Mickey prefers that I not wear it so I should obey his wishes as opposed to the opinions of others. (Once he came home to find me wearing it, as I stood by the front door to greet him, and instantly knew I had read a new book!) Another thing he is opposed to is making beds, yet what did I read about so often in my early years of being a wife and mother? Making beds. I still read and hear about it. Since Mickey thinks bed making is completely unnecessary (the social rebel that he is), he has requested that we not do it. It took me quite some time to make peace with the fact that it really was God’s best for us to have unmade beds. But let me tell you it was a battle for some time: Was there some incredibly important life lesson my children would miss if they never learned to properly tuck in a sheet? What character trait were they lacking from the absence of a bed making chore? Were we failing as parents? I finally realized that making beds is a Grey area. And by God’s grace, I am no longer easily distressed when I read other people’s bed making opinions and recommendations, because I know He will lead our family in it if it becomes His will for us someday. I can rest assured knowing that His unique plan for our family is always best. One of my favorite quotes is: “There is no better place to be than in the center of His will.”