Let Not Man Put Asunder

Introduction

At an early age I can remember my mom telling me that my choice of a spouse was a very serious decision in my life, because I would have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. I have taught my own children, that the second most important decision in this life is the choice of a mate. Of course, the most important decision anyone will ever make is the one where he or she commits his or her heart and life to Jesus Christ, making him Lord and Savior of his or her life.

For the most part, my parents had a very good marriage as far as I could tell. There was only one time that I witnessed a serious disagreement between them. On that occasion, I don’t remember any shouting or harsh language at all. Nonetheless, it was very obvious that the two of them had engaged in a very serious argument because my mom was in tears. My dad simply left and was gone for an hour or two. As a child I can remember that being a very traumatic hour or two of my life, because I wasn’t sure whether he was coming back. I can remember feeling very insecure on that day.

My dad did come back, and I witnessed him and mom asking each other for forgiveness. The return of my parent’s normal, loving, and affectionate relationship quickly erased the insecure feelings I’d had that day, but I will never forget how it seriously rocked my world. I can’t imagine the incredible impact it would have been on me if my parents hadn’t reconciled and recovered from this incident! This experience was foundational in the development of my strong commitment to the institution of marriage. Therefore, at an early age, God instilled in me a keen sensitivity to the importance of the permanence of marriage. I developed a passion for learning all I could about how to be a good husband from scripture. It is easy to talk about being a good husband, but doing it is much more challenging.

Since 2000, I have had many opportunities to do marriage counseling in our church as an assistant pastor (both pre–marital and post–marital). There is nothing more rewarding than to know that God has used me to instill his principles of the permanence of marriage from scripture, and see him establish, enhance, and build strong lifelong marriage relationships. Very simply, God hates divorce, as we see in Malachi 2. Jesus expressed the heart of his father when he said, “let not man put asunder” in reference to divorce. That is the essence of the theme of the book I now present to you. It is my prayer that this book will be useful in strengthening and building marriages that will never be ended except through the death of one of the spouses.

To those reading this book that have already experienced the pain of divorce and to those that have even subsequently remarried, it is my sincere desire that you not receive any condemnation or additional pain as you read the truths presented here. I personally would never judge anyone that has divorced or remarried following a divorce, and I certainly wouldn’t want to add to your pain. Further, I strongly urge all that are reading this to never judge or condemn anyone either. We will all have to stand before God someday and account for our actions. Therefore, we should all be seeking the Lord daily and always be ready to call sin what God calls it (in our own personal lives) and be very quick to repent when we see it in our lives.

We serve a God of grace and mercy. He understands the pain you have, and he can and will bring healing in your heart for sure as you ask for it! As Paul tells us in Romans 8:1 (KJV), “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit”.

However, it is very possible that if you have a heart hungry for truth as you read this book, you might be drawn by the Holy Spirit into repentance. If that happens, then do what it says in 1 John 1:8–10 (KJV), “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us” (emphasis added). There is only one sin that God will not forgive according to the scriptures and that is “blaspheming the Holy Spirit”. It is a dangerous thing to reject the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin in our lives. Our flesh may not like it, but our born again spirit must respond with repentance to the Holy Spirit’s conviction of sin! As we are told here, that will always result in his forgiveness and cleansing. Additionally, to ignore that conviction is to call God a liar, and is absolute evidence that the truth is not in us.

Further, I want to point out that by writing this book, I am not trying to play the role of the Holy Spirit at all! On the contrary, I am simply trying to present the truths revealed in scripture as I understand them, based on the extensive research I have done and the leading of the Holy Spirit. If, as you read it, the Holy Spirit doesn’t confirm it as I have concluded, simply ignore it and keep seeking the truth for yourself while doing your own research. My hope is that this will become one of your resources as you endeavor to find the truth in God’s Word on this subject, and that it will serve as a catalyst to spur you on in your search for the truth. My research has revealed that there are many varying views on this subject by many people who have researched it themselves.

In this book, we will examine in detail what God’s Word says about the institution of marriage. We will carefully examine the whole counsel of God’s Word that clearly reveals the heart of God on the subject of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It is my prayer that the information provided here will assist couples and counselors as they grapple with issues of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. If just one couple’s marriage is saved because of the impact of this book, it would be worth the work that has gone into writing it. One thing is for sure: God has all the answers we need if we are willing to search them out in his Word.