21 Principles of Change

Do What You Have Never, Ever Done

“You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” -Eleanor Roosevelt, Former First Lady of United States

Surely, you can think of a necessary change in your life that needs addressing. You have been down this fox hole before. You have read all the books on the subject, signed up for the course, and mapped out the strategy. You have even enlisted the help of a friend. The question is, “Why didn’t you succeed?” If you succeeded, great! You have mastered the art of putting “your money where your mouth is” and are in the small percentage of people in the world who actually focused to see a personal goal through to completion regardless of the intensity level. But, if you are like many who start and stop then repeat the cycle, then ask yourself, why? Was it fear? Was it a lack of focus? Was it too painful? Was there too much rejection or too little support? Only you know. Nevertheless, I have a resolution. DO WHAT YOU HAVE NOT DONE! Maybe what you did not do or have not done is “stay the course”. Maybe you bailed out too soon. Maybe your emotions clouded your vision or passion for succeeding. Maybe you just need to do more of what you were doing which is to do what you have not done-apply yourself more. Wherever the adult butterfly lays the egg, which is normally a food plant of some sort, the egg eats all the nutrients. The egg has to find food supply and nutrients for growth where it has been placed. This may sound a little poetic and even metaphorical but God is likened unto the adult butterfly and we are the egg needing nurture and change.

We seldom get the opportunity to pick each and every condition of life we face. However, we can always mentally and psychologically feed off any environment and find healthy growth. Can you relate to this? Do you always get to choose the course of your life? Do you find that you are “dropped” into situations and circumstances more than choosing each? Have you been able to find grace and growth in those situations? I have. Most of life has been this way for me. In each case, I had to do what I have never done in order to be who I have never been. What can you do to change that you have never, ever done to change? Try to think completely out of the box. Think outside of your norm for a moment. Try to focus in ways that you have not. Consider one area in your life that needs change. Now, create a mental list of people to help you that you would not ordinarily approach. Think of at least two resources that excite or challenge you to pursue. Think exceptionally. Do not go for average. Can you think of a new approach or method to achieve your goal apart from your normal patterns? Spend some time on this project. Create new feelings about this area of change in your life. Maybe you have always become fearful at the thought. In this exercise think courageously as if someone was e acting out the task. Here is something new. See yourself coaching and training someone at how to achieve the goal. What would you say? How articulate and charismatic would you be? How logical and intuitive is your response? What facts or formulas would you offer? There is no mystery to change neither are there any real secrets-just hard work and new approaches. Finding the nutrients where you are and feeding on them is what prepares you to emerge into the next stage of your awesome life, career, goals, and dreams. Is there a dream that you have yet to fulfill? Do what you have never, ever done to be who you have never, ever been. If all else fails, at least you would have acknowledged the need to change.

Nathaniel Branden, in his book Six Pillars of Self Esteem wrote, “I cannot be truly myself, cannot build self-esteem, if I cannot accept myself.” (Bantom1994) The Acknowledgement Principle teaches us to admit or confess the need for change that we often ignore. It requires the painstaking process of identifying the problem even when the problem is you. Have you ever had to divulge privately or publicly a weakness or need to change? How long did you dodge the process? How much energy and focus did you invest in covering it up? Count the number of little white lies you told to hide it? Consider the amounts of money that you spent to mask its reality? What about all the anger and emotional anguish you experienced to defend it? Was it worth it? Not for me. We often waste more time, money, energy, etc. in covering up our weaknesses and problems rather than investing in changing them. I have lived this one myself. We often know our need to change but seldom jump right into action; this is because we are in pre-contemplation mode.

At this stage, we have internalized and even recognized the need for change but have neither acknowledged it nor plan to act on it anytime soon. Sound familiar? I am sure it does. Maybe you are in this state of mind in an area of your life. I will tell you now, you will never change until you acknowledge the problem even exists. Psychologist call this the pre-contemplation mode of behavioral change. Behavior has to be acknowledged before it is transformed. Wayne Gretzky, “The Great One”, considered the greatest National Hockey League player of all times, once said, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” If you ever wondered what state of mind you were in as you toyed with much needed change, dodged much needed change, or simply brushed off that glaring light shining brightly on that area of most needed change you were precontemplating. Although it is natural, it can also be the sticking point or point of complacency. Some people never come out of pre-contemplation. It is basically a state of mind whereby you keep swatting away the thoughts of change like it is a fruit fly circling around your banana.