Soulful Reflections from a Daughter’s Heart

No, ‘denial’ is not a river in Egypt. That would be the Nile. But denial is considered to be the first stage of the grief process. It is very hard to accept a life changing diagnosis for a loved one, especially when the outcome will be one that steals away the existence of that person. This is typically associated with a diagnosis of cancer. But it is just as real with a diagnosis of dementia. The worst part of dementia is that your loved one is no longer there mentally or emotionally but still there physically. That is why it is easy to say this is one of those conditions that is worse than death itself.

Family members exist in the state of denial far longer when dementia is involved. You play it off and cover it up with excuses, trying to make it as though the dementia is non-existent. You hide it from friends and all but the closest of family members. If you don’t talk about it or even say the word “dementia” out loud, then it possibly cannot be true. You dare not say the word dementia to your loved one for fear of how they will react. They might become very angry at the mere insinuation that they have memory issues. But the whole time you are in the state of denial you are depriving yourself and your loved one of much needed help in the early stages which can ease the transition to the later stages. By then, the adjustment is hard on all.

Denial is a form of bitterness. It can eat at away at you. God’s word can be healing to the bitter spirit. Reading it can help give direction to joy and peace. Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

Once you move past the bitterness wrought from denial, you are able to find strength to cope. As you are better able to cope, you are better able to care for your loved one with understanding, kindness and compassion.