Come and Have Breakfast

FAUX PAS

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver (Proverbs 25:11).

Blooper or social blunder? Some folks refer to such mistakes as “foot in the mouth” or even a simple “oops.” It happens to everyone at some time or another. I prefer “faux pas.” It’s French and sounds smartly prim and proper, without the harshness of ignorance attached to the careless slip of the tongue. The only problem with “faux pas” is that I can’t add an “s” to it, and I have experienced many. I believe to make it plural I would write “les faux pas.” Then, folks might not get it. Anyway, believe it or not, even though a “faux pas” is awkward, unacceptable protocol, and embarrassing, it can actually be fun.

My promotional booth at an international conference provided opportunity to meet many people, learn of their work, explain mine, chat a bit, and add them to my mailing list. During a break time on a slow afternoon, a lovely lady strolled by and stopped to show interest in my display. I learned she was from the Philippines, and that it was not her first trip to the States. She spoke English very well. At best, though, it didn’t take long to hit a dead spot in the conversation.

I began to compliment her on how beautifully she was dressed. Pencil-thin with petite features, black hair, beautiful smile, she was dressed in a white sheath dress with bright pink tropical flowers on it. Her toeless, pink high-heeled shoes matched the dress, as did her cute little shoulder purse that hung perfectly at her side. As we continued talking, mostly me scrambling for something else to chatter about, she was searching in her little purse. I thought perhaps she needed a tissue, a piece of gum, or other necessity. She was unloading things and putting them inside her free canvas bag provided for conference attendees. Handing the purse to me, she said, “It’s a gift for you. Please, I want you to have it.”

As naturally and quickly as a simple “thank you,” she responded to my compliments by giving it to me. Blubbering explanations of what I meant, why she should not part with this matching piece of her outfit, and that I could not accept it, were futile. “I just cannot let you give me the bag,” I contested, as she held it out to me. The little confab was over. She won. I had majorly “faux pas-ed” and didn’t realize it. I have since learned that in her culture a compliment on an outfit like I had given automatically results in the gift of whatever you are talking about.

What happened next was like getting a double-word point for using “Faux Pas” on a Scrabble board. Her response was classic. With sincerity and the cutest straight-face, she spoke to me, her new short, slightly plump American friend. “I would give you my dress but you are too fat.” At least one word in that statement was not “fitly spoken,” as far as I was concerned, but I could hardly keep from bursting out in laughter. She had no clue that part two of her kind gesture doubled the meaning value of “faux pas.” The story is priceless, and I do treasure that sweet little purse and the precious little friend I made. Language, culture, and word usage–each had a place in my encounter.

The familiar Proverbs teaching links beautifully with words from the New Testament. To “encourage one another,” “build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11); “love each other” (1 Thessalonians 4:9); “pray for each other” (James 5:16), to mention some. Sometimes, the choicest of words, no matter how they are arranged in a sentence, cannot adequately express the heart. A familiar saying is true in many cases, “actions speak louder than words.” During a time of devastation, for example, presence and tears say what we cannot. Waiting silently before God speaks clearly to Him; He hears our silence and prays through us. We are prompted by the Spirit with encouraging words like “keep on going, you’re making it!” A positive, influential difference can be made through words we speak.

Careless words tear down; choice ones build, and even renew hope. What power there is in words “fitly” spoken! And what damage can be done by hurtful words! It reminds me of the story of the man who confessed to a rabbi that he had told lies about him and wanted to make it up to him somehow. The rabbi told him to take a feather pillow, open it and scatter the feathers in the wind. After complying, he told him to go back and gather them up. But it was impossible! Then the rabbi explained that this is the effect of hurtful or slanderous words. They do damage that cannot be undone. (A paraphrased folktale of Judaism)

To Think About:

1. Recall the times you have said, “I wish I had not said . . .”

2. Think about some ways, on a day to day basis, your words can make a difference in your home, at work, or in brief encounters with people on the run.

3. Here is a quote by Markus Zusak, author of The Book Thief, “I have hated words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right.” Process this.