A Time To Heal

The blueprints for the new church were due in two days; however, I could not focus. How in the world could I finish these blueprints when tomorrow was the dreaded anniversary? The anniversary of the day my world stopped, the last day that I truly felt joy and peace, like I had a lifetime of happiness ahead of me. The anniversary of the day my former life ended. I will never forget that day. No matter how hard I try to, it's always there, etched into my memory forever.

"Ms. Harris, is there anything else you need?"

I quickly looked up from my musings in confusion. There, standing in my office doorway was the new intern, Jade Carter, looking so fresh and innocent, as if life had not happened to her yet. Oh, to be that young again; to have a fresh start, a chance to do things differently. Maybe if I had, my world would not have crashed down. "Um, excuse me, Ms. Harris?" Jade looked at me, her forehead wrinkled in concern.

"I'm sorry, Jade. Just thinking about the project due in two days," I smiled briefly. "Yes, I do need you to look back over the ideas that we generated on saving those ducks at the site for the new restaurant."

"Sure. Is it ok if I take them home and look over them tonight? I'm on my way to babysit my pastor's son."

"Actually, Jade, why don't you just let me do that tonight and you go enjoy yourself?"

"Oh, Ms. Harris, I can do it. Really. I'll just be babysitting for a short while, and then I'll be on my way."

"Well, all I'm doing is having takeout; and I'm off tomorrow, so I can stay up tonight and finish it. I’ll email them to Mr. Addison as soon as I finish."

"Well if you're sure you don’t mind. Thank you so much, Ms. Harris. I hope you have a lovely day off tomorrow."

If you only knew, Jade, I thought; however, I said, "You're welcome. See you in a couple of days."

I watched as Jade practically bounced out of my office to go meet her pastor and his son. I glanced at the clock on the wall. 7:30, guess it was time to call it a day. I gathered the blueprints for the church, the file for the restaurant I was designing, my purse, and headed out to my car. I hopped in my black Mercedes S600 and drove to the local Chinese restaurant. After grabbing my sweet and sour chicken, I headed to the store for a bottle of wine. I knew I would need at least one bottle before I would be able to make it through tomorrow. After my alcohol stop, I was sitting at a red light when my phone started ringing. I glanced at the caller ID. Great; it was my sister. I didn’t really feel like talking to her. All she would do is ask me how I'm doing, if I'm seeing anyone, if I'm going to church, and on and on and on. I hit ignore. All I wanted was to be alone with my wine and my work. I parked my car in the garage and struggled into the house with all my stuff. I plopped down in front of the tv with my dinner and dug in while I mindlessly watched a sitcom. If only I could write the script of my life, I might still have a purpose for living, a husband to talk with in the evenings, a son to cuddle, a life worth living. Unfortunately, the accident stripped away every plan I ever formed in my mind. I finished my dinner and grabbed the ideas for the restaurant. After reviewing the pros and cons of leaving the ducks versus relocating them, I decided that we would leave the pond with the ducks as part of the scenery for the restaurant’s customers. I emailed the final decision to Mr. Addison, the head architect at Addison's Design. After punching send, I grabbed a wine glass out of the cabinet and was just about to pour the wine in the glass when I decided that I would just drink from the bottle. After all, I would be the only one drinking tonight. I would be the only one ever drinking. The only one to enjoy the fruits of my labor. The only one to think about for the rest of my life. A future? I had no future. God stripped that from me when He allowed the accident to end my life. How could you do that, God? How could you take them from me? How could you rip my heart out and leave me behind? I began to sob as I slid to the floor of my living room. I grabbed the bottle and began to chug. The sorrow and pain began to subside as I slid into a state of oblivion; and then, the room went dark.