Sacred Conflict

Conflict. Just the word can send shakes down the spine. Yet, 100% of people experience conflict throughout their lifetime.
I’ve been working in the “conflict business” for several years; over a decade now. My specialty is working with Christian churches where faithful Christians interact with one another regularly. I’ve come away from each of these experiences with hope and a subtle yet disturbing set of issues. This book is an attempt to help my brothers and sisters in the faith as I seek to clear up those disturbing trends.

You’ve been lied to, and you might still be believing it!

You may have been taught the Christian thing to do when you’ve been hurt or offended by someone is to forgive and forget. Start playing nice, ignore your memories of the hurt and the relationship will be restored.
To forgive and forget is impossible! But, you say “That’s what the Bible tells us to do.”
Really?
Scripture says “For I (God) will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12 New International Version NIV)
God is giving insight into the New Covenant brought about by the shed blood of his one and only son Jesus through the finished work of the cross.
God doesn’t have a faulty memory! He chooses not to remember. Forgetting and choosing not to remember are two different things. To forgive is not to be forgetful of the wrong you’ve experienced. It is to choose not to allow that memory to have power or influence over you any longer. As New Covenant followers of Jesus, we get to choose to not hold others’ wrongs against them. That is what the Apostle Paul refers to when he encourages us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV).

There are more lies and misunderstandings to be busted as you read Sacred Conflict.
You know as well as I do that in the heat of conflict, it is not always easy to respond in a Christ-like way. You may have a marriage that just isn’t working or a rebellious teen that seems to get on your last nerve. You might be in a disagreement with a co-worker you can’t stand, or you seem to be the one person whose friends seek asking advice on how to help them with conflict.

You are reading this book because you sense there has to be a better way. A better way to handle conflict starts with a better way to think about conflict. This book is written to followers of Jesus Christ for a deeper understanding of how the spiritual realities of that relationship supersede every temporary conflict you’ll face in life.

So, why does it matter that a Christ follower engages in conflict differently than anyone else? There’s only one good answer to that question: The witness of Jesus Christ is at stake. There it is. The why this book is written and why we start with following Christ.

As far as conflict goes, a key element for all of us is why we resolve it. There are volumes written on how to resolve conflict and few that begin or even include the why. Sacred Conflict: Resolution Skills for the Follower of Christ infuses the why into a practical how-to process for filtering conflict in a healthy way. You will not only learn how to engage with proper motivation, but also how to filter your conflict in a way that leads to reconciliation.

I’ve always started with the why. It was true in my high school algebra class where multiplying and dividing letters never made sense. It was true in my bachelors’ degree where I clamored to find the meaning behind the events of history. It was true in my graduate degree in psychology as I yearned to understand human motivation and what makes us feel what we feel, think what we think, and do what we do. It is true with conflict.
Why?
So, hello Christian.
Thank you for joining me on this journey of exploring conflict with courage and boldness to create something beautiful. Over the years, as I have traveled to speak on the principles shared in this book, those struggling with conflict rush to share with me their story and how excited they are to implement the concepts that some have called their “aha moment.” I’ll never forget a conference attendee from the Rightnow Conference Dallas who made her way down front after my session and said “Thank you for connecting the dots from my faith to my actions. I now see the why as being just as important as the how. And your Four Filters of Conflict are amazing!” (M. Jenkins, personal communication, November 5, 2017)

If your spiritual identity is in Christ, then I promise you will come to a deeper understanding of how that relationship impacts the conflicts you face. You will have the tools to deal with the immediacy of conflict and eventually be able to help others with the same concepts. They are that impactful!

You wouldn’t think a book on conflict would need to parse religious affiliation from spiritual identity. However, as you continue reading, you will notice conflict is handled differently between those who understand spiritual identity in Christ and those simply affiliated with a religion.
The book you will engage here is written to those practicing Christians who love Jesus. For my spiritual but not into church or religion friends, you are encouraged to continue reading with the knowledge that the foundation for the advice and solutions for conflict in this book flow through the life of Jesus Christ and the power of his Holy Spirit.