A Survival Guide for Athletes and Parents

I have seen too many talented players and maybe even more so, their parents, get caught-up in trying to get every accolade possible. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with setting goals, but in my experience if a player is good enough they will get the recognition they deserve without the state of panic that they and their parents were living in, to the extent that they would keep track of their stats from the stands to compare them to mine and complain that they weren’t getting enough sets to compete for an award they wanted at the end of the season. The focus was 100% on what was in the best interest of their daughter and not the team. I have had to explain multiple times through the years the importance of spreading an offense and how that actually helps a player be more successful because the other team isn’t camped out on them. When the focus is too narrow, loss of perspective and even loss of logic happens.

When stressing the importance of keeping perspective and in enjoying the journey, it is crucial for players and parents to simply focus on being the best they can be. This past season was a tough one for us. We struggled to get a win and had the first losing record in the history of our program. However, I enjoyed every minute with this team. We may have left a match discouraged but by the time we would meet together the next day I would be encouraged. Every day at practice they worked hard without complaining and encouraged one another relentlessly. They would send one another texts with encouraging scripture and all of the players said that they loved this team more than any they had ever played on. Our record may not have been great, but we were successful. We talked throughout the season about the hazards that come with losing and how easy it will be to place blame and to turn on one another. We knew that we had to be mindful to not allow this to happen. One of our players said after a tough loss, “I would rather have this sisterhood over a win any day.” As a coach I would have liked a few more wins, but I have coached very talented teams that constantly battled inner-drama, and that is not fun for anyone involved. The way these girls handled adversity showed tremendous character and a perseverance that they will take into their future endeavors.

Life Lesson: A false sense of success will lead to unfulfilled potential and a feeling of superiority. It is important to measure yourself against yourself. If you did all you could do to be the best you can, then you are successful. Don’t let defeats and setbacks knock the wind out of you. You get to determine if you are successful or not regardless of what or who you are up against. We give an award at the end of the year at our school for students that are recognized by their teachers for fulfilling John Wooden’s definition of success. Teachers get to nominate whoever they think is worthy and the best part of the entire night is seeing the mentally challenged student celebrated with the AP and honors student on the same level of achievement. I have two favorite verses that I think are applicable to this topic. The first is Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the lord” (NIV). This has helped me through the times when I either didn’t want to work hard for somebody else because I didn’t respect them or felt like I wasn’t receiving recognition for my efforts. There have also been times when I knew I could do just enough to get by. When working for the Lord that weighs a bit heavier on my conscience. I believe that we are sinning when we are not fully using the gifts that God has blessed us with.

The second verse that I chose is 2 Timothy 4:7: “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” (NIV). This became our motivation to finish strong in this past season when we struggled. We knew that regardless of what our end record was, we were successful in a much more important way if we could say this was true. It is my prayer that this team will remember how great this feeling was. Even though there were painful and disappointing moments throughout, they refused to quit.