Created for Understanding

Communication is an essential aspect for any relationship. It is important in business transactions. When a contract is created, the wording is important. Understanding in communication is necessary in sports when playing together as a team. In football, the terminology for each play needs to be understood by all the players, otherwise not everyone on the team will execute the same play.

It is critical in the military for communication to be understood, especially in the midst of combat operations. Hand signals, strategies, and even the understanding of the use of certain weapons and equipment can be a matter of life or death. The term "friendly fire" was coined to describe a fire fight between members of the same army, when both sides believed they were engaging with the enemy. Such a potentially deadly situation is a result of miscommunication or misunderstanding.

Communication can make or break a marriage relationship. At one time, the top three reasons why couples came to counseling were financial issues; in-law issues; and sexual issues. In my experience they are two, three, and four on the list. The top reason for conflict by far is communication issues. Of course, generally speaking, communication has a lot to do with financial decisions, sexual intimacy, and relationships with the in-laws, but basic communication and lack of understanding is what is rampant today. Misinterpreting a person's motives or intentions are common barriers contributing to the lack of understanding someone. We all have "filters" through which we speak and through which we listen that often hinder understanding. Some of the most common hindering filters are assumptions, personal agendas, self-centeredness, and bitterness caused by hurt and unforgiveness. Many of these filters will be subsequently discussed.

Ultimately, communication is needed in our relationship with God. Many of us complain that we do not hear God; that we do not understand God; that we do not understand His Word; or that we do not understand what he wants form us. What we tend to overlook is that God is constantly speaking to us. He is simply not relegated to speaking only through the conventional way that we all are used to – mouth to ears.

As Creator, He creatively speaks through His Word, creation, circumstances, dreams, symbols, and signs and wonders, just to name a few. While science can be utilized to reveal and understand God and His order in the universe, instead scientists have used science to diminish God. Discussing unbelievers and those who suppress the truth, the apostle Paul writes in Romans 1:20:

That is which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

The same filters that hinder communication between each other also prevent us from hearing from God as well. Unbelief, personal agendas, emotional pain, assumptions, resentment, and simply a lack of communication (prayer) can prevent true understanding and knowledge of the truth.

There are three components of communication. The first component is content which is what is being said. The content of our communication is often what we emphasize and focus on. The reality is, however, that content is only 7% of communication. In today’s world of electronic devices and internet, the only thing that is communicated is content. And while we are the most "connected" generation ever in human history, we still have problems understanding each other. Electronic grammar, spelling, etc., often impede what is being said. For example, we have texting, blogging, tweeting, hangouts, emails, Facebook, and LinkedIn, yet we are frustrated with lack of understanding we feel from one another. I believe it is because we focus on just content of communication – only 7% of what is being conveyed.

The second component of communication is tone of voice which is how it is being said. Inflection, volume, and pitch are aspects of tone of voice. Tone of voice is 38% of communication. When someone is speaking too softly, what can be communicated is that they are afraid; too shy; not confident; apathetic, soft-spoken, or fatigued just to name a few. How we say something conveys a meaning that often will impact the content meaning, which can frustrate the "transmitter" who may feel misunderstood. It can also frustrate the receiver, because they did not understand the transmitter. On the other hand, if someone is yelling, the content may be ignored and the feeling of being hurt, demeaned, or overwhelmed often drowns out the content. We focus on how we felt over what we heard because of tone of voice.

The third component of communication is non-verbal which is body language, gestures, and the use of objects. This aspect is often overlooked. Yet, it comprises 55% of communication! Body language, like walking away from a conversation, rolling of the eyes, folding of the arms over our chest, facial expressions, and hand gestures, are just some ways that communication is presented. Such body language will express something that will either enhance the content of our communication or detract from it. Misunderstanding will often occur because of what we exhibit in our body language.

The core longing to be understood hinges upon our ability to properly communicate and feel connected. We may be highly connected through media, but we have become terrible communicators. Again, we have become focused on content through media connections, but there is so much more to communication. As a result, we are misunderstood.

People today generally have a difficult time learning the skills of good communication, despite the many ways of electronic communication in our day and age. Just think how often you are frustrated with automated customer service numbers. Good communication skills are not found through media vehicles. We may be the most connected global society that ever existed, but ironically, we have less communication skills that ever before.