Cupside Down

Chapter 1 This Mess

The metal bed frame and springs squeaked with Jonathan’s every move. He hung his feet off the side and traced the cracks in the floor with the toe of his shoe. The uncomfortable bed and cold jail cell had given him a sleepless night. Light from the cell across the hall made long shadows on the dirty walls. And the smells? Ugh. Through the bars, he could see the clerk’s desk at the end of the hall. He stepped closer to get a better look, more out of boredom than curiosity. He quickly looked away when he thought he saw a man with red hair staring back at him. After a few seconds he peeked through the bars again. The man was gone. Had he imagined it? Jonathan hated jail.

Maybe someone would be there soon to bail him out of this mess. This mess. How many messes had there been? He’d lost count long ago. Now, after his tantrum and arrest, he knew he had to be missing something. Spending the weekend in jail had given him time to sober up and think about his life. How did trouble keep finding him when he tried so hard to hide from it? He had always thought that laws were for the weak, and that being a man meant you had a right to do whatever you wanted—as long as you didn’t get caught. Now, he started to wonder if it was normal for a twenty-three-year-old man to have an arrest record so long he couldn’t remember it all.

He closed his eyes, tried to relax, and thought of Katie. She always helped him deal with the hard times. She would encourage him. He could talk to her when he—Katie! He jerked and opened his eyes wide as he remembered the evening before. The full weight of his actions began to dawn on him. He couldn’t believe he had said those things to her and treated her that way. He thought about the way she had looked at him. That picture became a movie that played in his mind again. Jonathan, Katie and the rest of their normal party group had been drinking and partying downtown. As usual, the more Jonathan drank, the louder he became. His behavior started to annoy some of the other people in the bar and Katie became concerned. She tried to talk to Jonathan, as did some of his other friends. He kept drinking and trying to show his independence.

“I’m grown, and I’ll do what I want!” he screamed when they tried to calm him down.

Finally, Katie tried to reason with him privately. “Please, Jonathan,” she pleaded. “I love you, and I know you love me. Please calm down and don’t drink any more tonight. Do it for me.” Everyone close enough could see the love in her eyes and could hear the concern in her voice. Jonathan’s friends and the other partiers near them all grew quiet for a moment waiting to see Jonathan’s response. He didn’t respond the way any of them expected.

“For you?” Jonathan broke the silence when he raised his voice in anger. Then he shook a beer bottle in her face and said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “You’re crazy if you think you’ll ever mean more to me than a good drink.”

The look of brokenness on Katie’s face froze Jonathan. All of the color left her face, and all of the life seemed to leave her. Her eyes began to water and her voice wavered so much she couldn’t speak for a moment. Then she answered him softly but firmly.

“I fully understand now. I didn’t want to believe it, but finally I do. I know who I really am – or rather, who I am not – to you. Good bye!” She turned and walked out of Jonathan’s life.

The rest of Jonathan’s evening blurred in his memory as he continued to drink and pretend that he had everything under control. Then, he woke up in this cell.

How could I be so stupid? he asked himself. Then he looked at the floor again, his eyes wet with a fresh wave of tears. Can I ever fix my life? Maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have it all together as well as he wanted to believe. Words would never be able to describe how broken he felt inside. He’d really messed up this time. He wished someone could just open his head and pour in some answers. For the first time in his life, he felt ready to listen.

A metal door slammed somewhere down the hall and the sharp noise made him jump. Was someone coming to tell him his bail had arrived? No. Not until Monday morning, at least. Screaming and cursing from down the hall told him someone else had lost his freedom tonight, too. Jonathan wanted to go home, but he dreaded the questions his mother would have. He wished there’d been someone else he could call to arrange bail for him. He knew he’d have to sit through another long lecture, but he really didn’t need any help feeling guilty.

An officer paused outside his door and looked at him. He recognized the officer from a previous stay. The officer gazed directly into Jonathan’s eyes and said, “You didn’t ask, but I’m going to give you some advice. You need to quit trying to get out of the consequences of your lifestyle and get out of the lifestyle itself. You’re not on a good path. In just a few minutes, we’ll be transporting someone just one year older than you to the state prison intake center. The judge just sentenced him to five years. Last year, he was in the same cell you’re in with the same charges you have. I know you’re grown and you’re making your own decisions. I respect that, but…are we going to be transporting you next?”