Hope

Twenty four hours was all that was left of life as I knew it. I was on a life changing journey to the unknown. My life had spiraled out of control for the past ten years. My life became unrecognizable. Gripped by constant fear that wouldn't relent. Trapped with no hope of escape. I never knew life could be like this. What did I do to deserve this kind of life? What did I do wrong? Who did I offend?

I had strayed so far from the Christian life I was raised with that I didn’t know if I could ever be part of it again. Not because I didn’t believe in God, but because He seemed so far away. Somehow I felt out of His reach. I tried to maintain a healthy Christian life, but it seemed impossible. Everywhere I looked there was anger, violence, and destruction. There always seemed to be someone right there telling me that I was useless, worthless, and insignificant. I ignored these comments for a while, but could ignore them no longer. I began to believe the lies as if they were truth. Eventually I believed them enough to just give up. There was no hope for me; there was no hope that I would be rescued from my wretched life. I had lost all hope.

What else could go wrong? Nothing else could possibly go wrong. I was at the bottom and there was nowhere to go but up. I was desperate. I had to leave. I had to do something for myself. I didn’t know how I could ever be free from the torment, but I knew that I needed to leave. I packed my car and drove across country. It took twenty-four hours. I drove as fast as I could and drove straight through. I ate and slept very little. I finally stopped at a rest stop in Flagstaff, Arizona at midnight. It was dark and all I could see was mountains and pine trees. At that moment, I knew I was safe. It was freezing cold, but I wrapped up in my sleeping bag and finally got some sleep. That twenty-four hour cross country drive was life changingand it was the first day on my journey to freedom.