The ABC's of Love

B - Belief

I grew up playing soccer, but decided to try football my senior year of high school. It’s not usually a good idea to start a brand new sport with one year left of school, but I’m not always known for making great choices. When football practice started, I ended up on my backside. A lot. I took lots of hits simply because I did not have years of practicing the proper stance and technique. I would think, “what in the world am I doing out here.” I would begin to question my previous decision. But when I got knocked down, I remember my coach yelling “Get up Acton and try again! You can do this!” His belief in me actually brought about change in my beliefs about myself. Frequently, I would get up, continue practice and then get knocked down again. And my coach would yell “Get up Acton and try again! You can do this!” And, over time, I learned new techniques and improved and began to hold my own on the field. Late in the season one of our linesman was injured and I got to start in a semi-state game, and I was able to do my job on the field, largely because my coach expressed belief that I could learn my role and develop as a player.

The phenomenon has a name, the Pygmalion effect, where the greater the expectation and belief placed upon a person, the better they perform. The ability and skill of others can rise and increase because of the belief expressed by another. A person can actually begin to write a new future because of a new belief has taken shape in their mind.

This type of belief is an act of love. Love leads us to think of others and their needs. Because of this, our love for others will propel us to have an increased idea of who they can actually be. This is true in coaching, teaching and parenting, but also in the broader context of life. It is a great gift that we can give to our friends, children, neighbors and coworkers.

Jesus demonstrated belief that a small group of followers could bring about significant change in the world. As a Jewish Rabbi, Jesus took on twelve disciples, or students. It is generally accepted that if a Rabbi accepted a disciple, he believed that the disciple could actually become like him. Usually, the Rabbi would accept only the best and the brightest and spend years teaching and training them. Once accepted, the job of the disciples was to begin to follow the Rabbi in behavior and belief. The goal was that they would become little versions of the Rabbi. This is the nature of discipleship in Rabbinic culture.

When Jesus reached the age where He could become a Rabbi He also took on disciples. However, Jesus did not pick the best and brightest. Rather than the synagogue standouts, He chose a few fishermen, a tax collector, a political activist and others to be His followers. They were not the smartest students or the most successful. In fact, they had not made the cut with other Rabbis and were no longer in the Jewish school setting. But Jesus came to these men and said “Come follow me.” In doing so, Jesus expressed His belief in these men. He believed that they could experience transformation and become like Him. And while it may have taken some time, some amazing moments, a resurrection and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, these guys experienced change and subsequently changed the world. And it started with belief.

We too have the opportunity to express belief in others. And this is not just true for those who seem to have a bright future on their horizon. This opportunity can be found among those who have messed up and made unwise life choices. Our tendency is to look towards the faults and past decisions that others have made and bemoan what could have been. “Only if…” we may think. But love insists that we move beyond this tendency and embrace an understanding that one’s past does not define their future. We need to believe that there is something very special within those around us, no matter what decision they have made or may be currently making. God has designed them on purpose and with purpose.

By believing in others, we have to see, not what could have been, but rather, what still can be. German writer and statesman Johann von Goethe once said “If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be.”

By believing in others we have to see not what could have been, but rather, what still can be.

We have the opportunity to see a future version of someone and express belief that they can actually become that person. This type of belief is powerful and wonderful, truly an expression of love.