Beneath The Surface

Closet Coma If there were such a diagnosis as “closet coma,” I would compete for being the poster child. I think one of the hardest decisions we as women have to make on a regular basis, just behind what to make for dinner, is what to wear—especially if we’re trying to pick out something for a particular setting. While I love attending some of my husband’s business trips, they also represent stress, particularly when I read in the meeting materials that the attire is “resort casual” or “business casual.” Sure, my husband he knows exactly what that means and what he’s going to pack. But I tend to pack three different outfits to choose from once I arrive and can better assess the situation. For many working women, closet coma can come every morning. Janet explained to me how she has worked hard to attain her current management position, but it comes at a big internal price: “Now I have to look the part every day.” She described how she wants to make the right perception of warmth and caring to those who report to her but strong and assertive to those she reports to. Janet confessed to trying three to four outfits a day before landing on what she wears into the office. In many ways, her attire becomes the mask she puts on. If she has to travel on business, Janet is put into a tailspin. She wants to take her entire closet for a three-day trip just in case. While Janet is not alone in representing women in the workplace, she also represents the stay-at-home mom who wants to present herself as someone who has it all together even though sweats are what we really want to put on most days. In the years following the birth of my children, my husband and I made the decision for me to stay at home during the early stages. The transition from professional business to the business of home and raising children was seamless. Instead of identifying the right business attire to convey my professional savvy, I now had to pick out the right outfit for me to convey my perfect mother status. Add to it my need to also have my child in just the right outfit to set her future on the right path and you get the picture. I measured my success by the number of, “Oh, she is so cute” comments received in a day. Today, the social media equivalent is reflected in the number of likes we receive to the pictures we post on Instagram. In many ways I am thankful the Internet and other social media channels were not around during my daughter’s early years. I admit I would have been completely addicted to it as a means of conveying my drive for that perceived perfection. I started my daughter on her way to her own catatonic state when she was born by accumulating some of the cutest outfits imaginable, each for the appropriate environment and on some occasions two just in case we experienced a spit-up. I’m embarrassed to say it, but several outfits were never worn before she outgrew them. I even remember one day spent trying on all those outfits, snapping pictures, and then returning them to the closet just so I had captured the moment. Is it any wonder we have grown up with fashion as part of our image consciousness? Social media has certainly accelerated the coma state that occurs for most women every morning. The Internet is full of commentaries as to what the clothes say about the person, and comparisons are made as to who wore what better. The Beginning It all started with that apple. It was just too tempting for Eve to pass up, and then they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. Thus came the need for clothes and eventually fashion, including stilettos with the matching purse. I’m sure Eve didn’t experience closet coma at the time; her options were somewhat limited. I hope she never experimented with poison ivy. I always found it interesting that immediately after taking a bite of the apple, Adam and Eve realized they were naked. Not that the apple was good, bitter, or sweet or that the birds stop chirping but that they were naked. Before the fall Moses states Adam and Eve were naked and weren’t ashamed, but after they ate from the Tree of Knowledge, they realized they were naked and were ashamed. I believe it is because there is an authentic insecurity when we are naked. Nothing is hidden. We have no masks. We are naked. Before that bite, Adam and Eve knew a security we can hardly imagine. They knew who they were—I mean really knew. They had an incredible relationship with their Maker. All their needs were fulfilled. They never experienced jealousy, fear, or anger. They were never insecure. Then the first feeling described immediately after that bite of the apple is shame. Being ashamed is feeling insecure. Will I be loved anymore? All the other emotions followed. Security was lost. Through the generations we built upon our insecurities. Our looks, our weight, and our attire all add to the burden. Insecurity takes on many looks, but when we want to hide it, it usually comes in the form of a change in our appearance. I love Beth Moore’s word, “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism. That’s where it becomes an art form. And it begins early in life.”