Model Behavior

The lights were dimmed; an array of food, such as fried chicken wings, cocktail shrimp, spinach dip and pita chips, along with various cakes and chocolate desserts were laid out buffet style alongside the walls in order to keep the dance floor clear. The music rolled across the room in a rhythmic manner that she could feel inside her chest, almost beating with her heart. Couples laughed as they twirled on the dance floor; the diamond and jewel encrusted necklaces and bracelets of the girls glittered as they went by. And yet, she stood against the wall- watching. She longed to join the merry makers, but she did not know how to make herself get off the wall.

She hated them, their smiling faces, their laughter, if only someone would talk to her. As she stood watching, she was overcome with just how alone she really was. No one would notice if she left. No one would notice if she quietly slipped out, if she were to die. They wouldn’t come to her funeral; they might not even know that she was dead until weeks later. All of this reminded her of why, months before, she had planned to kill herself on this very night.

In the secret drawer of her dresser was a list of her preparations. She’d had a long soak in a bathtub filled with lavender and rose scented soap. Carefully she had shaved her legs and applied makeup to her face. She then got dressed in the most beautiful prom dress she had ever seen: white with white lace along the sleeves and at the edges of the full skirt that spread out umbrella style. It reminded her of a wedding gown, which was appropriate, because tonight she planned on marrying death.