Fitted

The perfect storm happened in August. We received a call from my parents to meet them at the doctor’s office. My mom’s doctor had some news and felt that the family needed to be there. On my way to the doctor’s office, I received a phone call from our last hope. An agency that had some influence in Siberia called to let me know that there was no way they could do this adoption. They offered to send pictures of other Russian children who were adoptable in other cities. After that phone call, I walked into an office and listened as a doctor explained the options of fighting colon cancer. My mom sat bravely and listened to the prognosis. Meanwhile, I was fighting two battles at the same time. We had lost our babies and this one phone call had opened up wounds that had been closed since I was 30 years old. I was also losing my mom. I was not equipped to fight these two battles at the same time. I did not have the emotional or spiritual depth needed to carry on and continue to pastor other people with deep spiritual and emotional needs. I was bankrupt.