Faithfully

“Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,

for the Lord your God goes with you;

he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

Have you ever been to the horse races? Yes? Great! If not, that’s fine. Just use your imagination here. I first went to the horse races with my parents when I was 16 or 17 in New Mexico. Horses are such beautiful majestic creatures aren’t they? I grew up around them but was always fearful of them. That’s another story though. Try to imagine with me for a minute that you’re at the races. You go with a set amount of money you’re going to spend, no more no less. I do anyway because I’m always on a budget. You look the horses over as they flash on the screen much like you would check out a potential mate. You find out their name, bloodline, owner, their jockey, physical stature, history, and their astrological sign. Okay, maybe not their sign. You decide on a horse you think stands the best chance at winning and you go to the window and place your bet. The gun goes off to signal the horses and the race is on. You hold your breath as you watch your horse rush through the gate and you’re crossing your fingers that your jockey wants to win as much as you do. You hold your breath with anticipation as you watch horse and jockey circle the track. When the race comes to a finish, you let out an exasperated sigh. Your horse didn’t win. He didn’t even come close. When he doesn’t win, you have a couple of options. A: You can set your sights on another horse and place a new bet. B: You can take what money you have left if you have any and walk away. If you’re like me though, you’ll realize you just bet all your money on the wrong horse and are now broke. That’s exactly how I feel about my ex-husband. I really feel like I placed all my money on the wrong horse and I have nothing left to give. I gave my whole heart to a man that mistreated it, abused it, broke it, trampled it, etc. You get the picture. I sometimes feel I have no love left to give to a significant other. I feel I have nothing to offer up. My heart is tired. Have you ever felt that way? Do I regret marrying him? No way! We had some good times and some good memories and I got the most wonderful daughter in the world out of it. He’s not in the full frame of our picture though for reasons I won’t delve into here. Our divorce was not a happy time for me. Even though it’s been 10 years and I’ve had a few serious boyfriends since then, I’ve never been able to commit to them. I don’t want this to be an ex bashing book at all but you will occasionally read something that my ex-husband has said or done that affects our daughter and the only reason I’m writing about it is because sometimes I’m at a loss and feel like I can’t be the only one in the world that is dealing with these issues. Someone, somewhere in this great big world, is dealing with the same things I am. And the same things you are. It is hard to believe but it IS true.