Reflections of God’s Turning Points

“The first reflection that came to mind was my childhood. Why? Because that is where it all started. That’s where the seeds of development are planted. I can still see vividly my grandmother planting the seeds of self-doubt, and low self-esteem. I can hear her almost daily mantra of how my sister and I were never going to amount to anything. I feel her sharp cutting words tearing down my self-confidence brick by brick as she predicts the expected shame we would bring upon the family. I often wondered, especially when I came to a point in my life where self-esteem played a large role; if my grandmother had any idea the effect her words would have on my life. In the bible, in the book of James, chapter 3, we are reminded that “blessings and cursing come pouring out of the mouth“. The word of God says that life and death are in the power of the tongue. The entire chapter 3 of the book of James teaches about controlling the tongue, because you can speak life into a person or situation, or you can speak death into it. My grandmother was a Christian, but even she had her faults and weaknesses. As a child I heard constant reminders of my parent’s failures. I was made to feel guilty about those failures, and carried the shame that accompanied the guilt as if they were my own, making me dislike who I was. One thing I did not know was that God knew the path I would take in life from the time I was in my mother’s womb. He knew that self-doubt, abuse, low self-esteem, and a long line of traumatic events were going to be the seeds He would use to prepare me for ministry. As I reflect back I see my early childhood environment as a training ground for what was to come.”