[re]marriage: searching for answers

“How did I get here”, wondered Julie. She remembered a time when life seemed “normal” – in a box, so to speak. Two children, a husband, a beautiful home, and even enjoying the flexibility of being a stay at home mom. Life couldn’t get better. That is…until the words “I don’t love you anymore” echoed throughout the house. For months those crippling words haunted her. Had her life come to an end? Would she ever again feel that same sense of being settled she once felt? Even more crippling…would she ever be able to love and trust again?

Julie, like so many, has stood at this crossroad hoping to find the path that would lead them to a life rebuilt. Many times this hope-filled life is in the form of a [re]marriage, and comes with ideas that everything will change for the better once a new set of “I do’s” have been spoken. The truth of that belief is everything will most definitely change as a result of a new set of “I do’s”. However, [re]marriages can have surprise endings. Julie, for one, found this to be true.

Before going further, let it be said not all [re]marriages are destined for failure, nor are they ill-advised. At the same time, their success is contingent upon preparation and perspective; two tools that sound so simple, yet for some reason seem complicated in their application. Relationships are just hard at times, aren’t they? The cliché “opposites attract” sounds romantic. That is until those opposites actually move in together…and bring children with them. Often those romantic opposites become passionate opponents. Keep reading…there’s more on this topic to come.

Your [re]marriage has many peripheral issues pulling you apart. Children from your previous marriage, your spouse’s children, ex-spouses, and past hurts from previous marriages all contribute to the escalated divorce rate for those in a subsequent marriage. While each of these challenges deserve individual attention, what I have found is unless your marriage is solid, no amount of delving into these issues will matter.

Your [re]marriage needs immediate focus. Relationship topics such as healthy communication, intimacy, trust, forgiveness, and empathy create the necessary framework for addressing the blending family challenges. Success over other topics is directly correlated to the health of the relationship you share with your spouse.

That being said, the next four chapters are dedicated to general topics relevant to any marriage, along with specifics regarding your [re]marriage. Mainly we will discuss blending family perspectives, how to have a strong marital foundation, effective communication, and amazing sex. With those four cornerstones in place you can begin tackling the hard stuff. We will begin with a creative understanding about blending families and our natural tendencies.