Ya Gotta Know My Jesus!

Excuse my grammar, but that is the best way I can explain my next experience. When we are going through life’s storms, God knows exactly what we need to get through them. It will be different for each person, but it will be exactly what we need to break the yoke that holds us back.

I don’t know about you, but I had certain areas of my life that I had victory in and to fall into sin in that area would be devastating for me. This was in my own mind--it was not something that God required of me in order to love me--I had just set my own standards and boundaries.

After 32 years of waiting for certain promises to be fulfilled in my life, I had what I call a “giant melt down”. I became very discouraged and Satan loves to “encourage us to be discouraged”. Well he succeeded and I hit rock bottom. I was becoming very angry with God and even threatening that I would make these things happen myself if He didn’t move soon. This doesn’t sound good, I know, but I sank into the depths of despair and began to doubt everything I ever knew about God. I was sure He had deserted me, and even though the Scriptures say that He will never leave us or forsake us, I was certain that He had done just that. I sobbed my heart out and for the whole night I shouted at God--telling Him how disappointed I was and that I didn’t even want to serve Him anymore. If you have ever gone through something like this you can imagine where my mind went and how angry I got. I made myself sick and I began to fear that I had really done it now. How could God ever forgive that outburst and especially the awful things I said about Him?

I finally fell asleep for a few minutes and when I awoke, my room was filled with light, and Jesus was sitting on the side of my bed. He had one arm wrapped around me, with His hand under my head, and He was alternately stroking my hair and my forehead with the other hand. (If you see tear stains on the page, it is because I can’t relate this story without sobbing.) He looked deeply into my eyes and He said, “There is no condemnation in me, no guilt, no shame.” He fixed His eyes on mine for a few moments and then He repeated, “No condemnation, no guilt, no shame.” He stared into my eyes as though to say, “Are you getting that? I am not leaving until you understand what I have told you.” He continued to stroke my hair and brow until I relaxed and was at peace, and then He left.

It is very hard to explain how, but I got it, and have not experienced any condemnation, guilt or shame regarding that outburst or in other situations where I would have automatically taken on those feelings. I realized that He was waiting all along for me to express these thoughts and feelings and get them out of my system. He already knew that I felt this way--He just wanted me to vent and then He could work to heal me. Some days later, I was reading the Bible, when this verse jumped out at me: “His left hand is under my head, and His right hand doth embrace me.” (Song of Solomon 2:6) KJV

This experience started a chain of events in my life that brought victory, healing and a whole new relationship with my Heavenly Father. I experienced His love and concern for me in a way that I never could have imagined. Whenever I doubt His love, or get discouraged, I immediately go back to that morning and allow myself to envision it all over again. Jesus knew that I needed to be rescued “big time” and He didn’t come one second too late. He knew the grueling trials that I was about to face. His visit was a big part of what got me through the following months. I can’t thank Him enough in words. I can only follow after Him, with more determination than ever before, to allow Him to accomplish the destiny that He has planned for me.

I learned a lot from this experience--especially patience. When God says He will do something--He will do it, but it will be in His time, not mine. He will not come too late. His timing is crucial! God knows exactly when everything that He wants to accomplish in our lives is ready to be fulfilled. He needs to get everything in place so that He can give us the very best and in the end He will be glorified and we will truly know that God has answered our prayer!

Our Heavenly Father knew us before the world was created and He knew exactly what we would do, right or wrong, and yet He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us, to give us forgiveness, eternal life and an abundant life here on earth. What amazing Love! What an amazing Father! What an amazing Saviour!

But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day! “Note this: Wicked men trust themselves alone [as these Chaldeans do] and fail; but the righteous man trusts in me and lives! (Habakkuk 2:3-4) TLB

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11) TLB