The Accent

Life is beautiful and yet immensely hard. As individuals and communities, we passionately follow our goals and dreams, and take ourselves to frontiers that we have not traversed before. We are amazed at what we have accomplished, and we surge on with an indomitable spirit. However, we also experience enormous difficulties in our personal and communal living. We long for a happy and fulfilling life, but more often than not, we fall far short of that ideal. We are constantly fighting the evils in us and in our world. We come across roadblock after roadblock and get stuck in our personal growth and interpersonal relationships.

For this state of affairs we find ourselves in, many of us may have asked that perennial question: why? Why are things the way they are? Why are we getting stuck in our growth and development? Why are we not able to get along with each other? Why are conversations so painfully difficult in some of our families and communities? I suggest an answer. It is called The Accent.

The word “accent” means “the way in which people in a particular area, country or social group pronounce words” (Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary, 2005). Certain languages are known for varieties of accents. English, for example, has acquired innumerable accents all over the world, depending on where it is spoken. American English is much different from British, Indian, or Australian English. Sometimes the difference in the accent is so severe that it makes us wonder whether we are speaking the same language. The accentual differences make our communications with one another difficult.

Accentual differences are present not only in our languages but also in our lives. As individuals and communities, we have our own accents. We differ in myriad ways: in the way we are made up; in our personalities and preferences; in our meanings and vocabulary; in our genetics and environment; in our contexts and experiences; in our physical, psychological, and spiritual characteristics; in our thoughts and feelings; in our imaginations and fantasies; in our beliefs, values, and judgments; in our structures and systems; in our races and ethnicities; in our interests and interpretations; in our likes and dislikes; in our reactions and responses; and in our struggles and troubles. We differ in the way we understand things. We don’t see, hear, and perceive things in the same way. And above all else, we differ in the way we see our differences.

Because we differ so much, it is no surprise that we find it difficult to understand and relate to each other. These differences make our personal and communal living difficult. But sometimes these differences are coupled with other undesirable and unhelpful characteristics as well. Negativity and destructiveness characterize certain people’s personalities and environments. Perpetual physical, emotional, and psychological issues paralyze some people’s lives. And some people’s daily lives are a chain of deprivation, troubles, and misfortunes. Personal development and communal living become enormously difficult when such undesirable elements plague our lives. “Accent” is a metaphor that I use to refer to these differences and difficulties that we face in our life.

When faced with problems and difficulties, whether they are personal or communal, we look for solutions. We want answers for our questions, and we want our problems fixed. But often our search for solutions stays on the surface level. We look for quick fixes, and the changes that we make are cosmetic and superficial. We often don’t get to the bottom of things. Consequently, our problems don’t go away. They reappear in different shapes and forms. To understand why certain people behave in certain ways or why we get into conflicts and problems, we have to get to the bottom of things. We have to understand how we develop our accents or individual differences. We have to understand who we are and how we become what we become. We have to understand why our lives are plagued by suffering of all kinds. We have to understand what makes it hard for some of us to get along with others. We need to understand why some of us take the path of violence and hatred. We need to know why some of us become a problem wherever we go. And we need to know why some of us bring the best out of ourselves and others bring the worst out of themselves. As individuals and communities, we might passionately pursue our goals and dreams, but unless we get to the bottom of things and address some of these fundamental facts about our lives, many of our problems will reappear over and over again.

One of the routes that people in every age and culture have taken to get to the bottom of things and find answers for the fundamental questions about their lives is religion and spirituality. They look to a higher power who is believed to have a better view of things and who can answer all their questions and solve all their problems. This path has been tried and tested over and over again, and on this path people have found comfort and solace beyond description. In the last couple of centuries, psychology has been added to the list of choices that people can use to find answers for their questions and problems. It either works alongside religion and spirituality or does its business on its own. But the focus of each is pretty much the same. People have questions, and they need answers. Some turn to religion and spirituality, and others turn to psychology. Some seek the help of both.

To move past our issues and problems and live a healthy and happy life, I see the need for an integration of both religion and psychology. This book, The Accent, achieves just that. It explores what God tells us about who we are and what we are meant to be, and what psychology tells us about why we do things the way we do. It explores how we develop our accents, or differences, and how we can transcend those accents to move toward a rejuvenating and healthy life.