Paradise Seems So Far Away

Treasure each moment as if it was your last - this life is like a vapor, and paradise is not that far away.

“Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).

In the shadows of the night, I lay awake in bed tossing and turning relentlessly. I just couldn’t sleep. Besides the hot flashes and cold sweats, many thoughts were invading my mind. My husband’s job, my daughter away at college, and all the things I needed to accomplish that week. My back ached and my joints were stiff. I was slightly bothered by the fact that during the day I was using more concealer to fill in the lines on my face. I needed to get a grip and just face it – I was in the autumn of my life.

I finally fell back asleep just in time for the alarm to go off. I rose from the tangled sheets to conquer the tasks of my daily routine. That all too familiar song that echoes a woman’s existence! Meals, laundry, errands, groceries, and the lists go on. Before the busyness of my morning began, I stepped outside to pick up the newspaper for my husband who worked so hard to provide for our family. I hoped and prayed that our neighbors wouldn’t catch a glimpse of me in my frumpy pajamas. I had major bed head, wasn’t wearing a bra (gravity had not been kind), and had not yet put my face on for the day. I was a frightful disheveled sight!

As my bare feet touched the ground, a cool breeze blew through me, whispering that autumn had arrived. I paused for a moment, while craving a spiced pumpkin latte, to embrace the season’s splendor. Suddenly, something even more satisfying captured the essence of my entire being, filling my senses beyond measure. It was the Rauch, which in Hebrew means, “wind” (and the Holy Spirit.) John 3:8 says, “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit”.

While feeling the presence of the Lord, He allowed me to see through spiritual eyes. Flashbacks from my life flooded my mind. The reflection of His love gave me peace as His living water filled my soul. “See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it, I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19).

He showed me that as I stood there in the autumn of my life, change was inevitable. Sometimes the waters were smooth sailing and sometimes there were rough seas. But I had peace and joy knowing that Jesus rescued my sinking soul. As it says in John 16:33, “I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world”. When we abide in Him, we can overcome any trials and changes that continue to come our way.

The Lord continued to speak to me. This time He gave me a vision of the deepest sufferings in my life and how He had carried me through them. These sufferings included: the agony of a volatile marriage that ended in divorce, the death of both my parents whom I deeply loved, and my life’s worst tragedy – the death of my 15-month-old daughter.

I could clearly see the day of her burial. I approached the cemetery with my seven-year-old daughter and my sister who was six months pregnant. I saw myself gazing out the car window, still in shock. My family and close friends were weeping as they hovered around the small white coffin. My little girl Leena lay silently inside, wearing a green floral print dress that her big sister once wore. Her lifeless arm was wrapped around her favorite baby doll. I hesitated getting out of the car. I didn’t want to face the burial ceremony. As my feet touched the ground, my knees buckled from beneath me, and I started to collapse. My sisters ran to help me, and lead me to the coffin and open grave where Leena’s body would be buried.

The coldness of death stung like a winter storm. I shivered. Leena’s father and I didn’t even exist to each other, even though this little child had belonged to both of us. Nearing the end of the ceremony, in the stillness of the air, a cool breeze encircled us all. My friend Nina leaned gently toward me and whispered: “Do you feel it? It’s the breath of God, the Holy Spirit is here”. It was the Ruach, the Comforter. I felt God’s presence and desperately embraced His peace. At that moment, I started to worship God by softly singing the song Amazing Grace.

That vision slowly faded from my memory and my mind returned back to the cool ground where I stood in my front yard. I thanked God for the peace of His Spirit, and for all the blessings in my life. My heart rejoiced in knowing that I will see Leena again. This life is like a vapor and paradise is not that far away. “Whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away” (James 4:14).

As you venture through life’s journey here on earth, remember that every season of your life has a purpose.

God’s love will warm you in the winter storms;

You will blossom with His beauty in the spring;

In the summer, the Son will illuminate your life; and,

His arms will embrace you through autumn’s changes.