Widowhood

Like every young girl in our society, I knew that one day, I would meet my ‘Mr Right’, who would sweep me off my feet. We would live together happily ever after. So when my husband and I met in college, I knew God had answered my childhood prayers. I knew I would live with him until our old age. I knew that we would live to see our grandchildren and great grandchildren together. Indeed, I imagine us seated on rocking chairs outside our home, watching the sunset together and reminding each other of our youth and the way God would have brought us to our grand old age! Early death for either of us was not in the picture. I was therefore shocked to find myself suddenly alone at a young age after a few short years of marriage without my lifetime partner! It was surreal to realize that my expectation of us waking up together for years to come had only been a dream. When I recovered from the shock of being widowed, there I was all alone - just me and my young children by my side. I could see fear and confusion in their eyes as they wondered what had happened to daddy. I guess they wondered, what if by some miracle, he would come back home, and what future would be like if daddy did not come home.

I did not have anyone to counsel and guide me through the new life. There was no one to tell me what to expect ahead of me and therefore prepare me to face the challenges I would experience in this new life. Soon after the funeral, all my relatives and friends left me with two statements;

“May God be with you” or “Stay with the Lord”

No one seemed to see the need to hold my hand and assure me that it was going to be okay. I was quite alone.

So I started my new life, totally confused and disoriented, wondering what to do. Deep inside, I had this need to hide. Hopefully when I re-emerged, I would find that it all was a cruel joke. However, I also knew that there was no hiding; this was actually happening to me.

At that time also, I knew I was now alone with my children. I felt such a deep sense of protection over them. I was going to make sure my children were okay, that they would not lack anything that their dad would have given them. I knew I was going to work hard and I resolved at that time that I was not going to beg for anything, and neither would my children.

I lived a life of trial and error, with the main guiding factor being the interests of my children. My grandmother was also widowed at a young age, but being only a child at that time, I never comprehended what she might have had to go through. The only thing I learned from her was that I needed to work hard to provide for my children. During her time, hard work meant going to the farm from morning till evening to be able to cater for the needs of her family. Through her hard work, she was able to achieve her goal of not only educating her children but also placing food on the table. I promised myself that, like my grandmother, I would also work hard to be able to provide for my family and succeed like she did. My farm was my job. Looking back now, I realise that God answered my prayer. Each of my children got the education that they wanted, and glory be to God, they are now in a position whereby they can support themselves. However, my social life took a down turn. It was not a pleasant one. There are things I did which I am not proud of. I think if I had been given some guidance and counselling, I would have done some things differently.

Writing this book has been therapeutic for me. Indeed each time I go through it, I gain more and more peace. I have had time to reflect on my life and have cried over and over again. I have forgiven myself for the mistakes I made, and I have forgiven those who wronged me as well. Indeed, my healing has just begun. The best thing that has happened is that I have rededicated my life to God. The devil tried to steal my joy, kill my dreams and destroy my family, but Jesus has given me a second chance and I am living my life to the fullest. I am living my life in abundance.

It is my prayer that you, who may find yourself in the same dilemma I was in, will find encouragement and a desire to rise and live again. You must choose life. I pray you will find comfort in knowing that God is ever present with us. He promised never to leave nor forsake us and God’s promises are yes and amen in Christ Jesus. For this reason, I know for sure we are never alone!

I pray that you will be guided by God into all truth, that your heart will be blessed and that your life will be enriched in Jesus Name.

If you are not widowed, it is my prayer that your eyes will be opened to the plight of the widows and fatherless children around you and that you will be a Jesus to them.

If you have just been widowed, I encourage you to seek the services of a counsellor to help you to transition from a married life to the life of a widow.