Commencement

Through the Journey of life we grow in our experience and understanding of the world yet we try to understand our place in it. In spite of what we have learned from our life experience, there is one thing that is sure: we all have a belief in something. Though I had religion, I realized the lack of an increased knowledge of it leads me to stray but I never forgot that there is a higher being. Even so, from my family culture I learned to have faith and to follow the commandments of God, repent of my sins in order to be forgiving, and that God loves me no matter what. From this basis understanding I thought I was ready for the world. But it was something more I had to learn; my first challenge was a dream. 

While at our family home Big Mama is sitting at the table drinking her Sanka and enjoying her Kool 100’s. Other family members are present, as they seem to be preparing to go somewhere. The front door is opened and I see blue skies and sunshine but I also see a white limousine parked in front of the house and I thought to myself, why? As my eyes made a rolling movement, one by one the family is going into a church and I too was in this line. I saw my mother’s siblings but I did not see her and I saw my father’s siblings but I did not see him. As I approach the pulpit there is a white casket sitting in the place of the communion table that is usually there. My heart is racing; my breathing is labored as I immediately awaken before viewing the body and I am realizing it was only a dream that seemed so . . . real. I was now harboring feelings of dread, frightened that I was about to lose one of my parents. As a believer in the word of God I was very much afraid and did not want to tell anyone but I couldn’t keep it to myself. I had been told of the gifts family members possess but did not concern myself with it because I was more concerned about the things of the world. When I had told my sister Tamika about the dream, she said, “Don’t worry about it because you did not see anyone.”

.And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out My Spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams. Acts 2:17

May 9th, two weeks later as I was doing my Saturday morning ritual, I heard “ring ring, ring ring,” I stopped to answer the telephone; it was Tamika, my only sister who was always mistaken as the eldest because she was taller than me, I can remember when we were younger we were total opposites but our demeanor was the same. We were taught to be humble and to mind our own business, but when provoked she would strike back. We did not let anyone take our kindness for our weakness. However, her intention for this day was to invite me to her home in the country for a birthday barbeque for her husband Marty. I replied that my husband Kevin, a local grocery store manager, was at work and when he got off I would be glad to come since we didn’t have the children and we had a romantic time planned for this Mother’s day weekend as the children were at their paternal grandparents’ house. She asked if I could come sooner to help with the preparations but I could not come any sooner because we only had one car and I couldn’t drive. The conversation was ended and I proceeded to clean my house. While in the kitchen I started wiping the front of my refrigerator door and all of a sudden I had a warm shiver that came over me, the hairs on my arm stood up, it felt as if something was rising, leaving my body, but I shook it off and hoped I was coming down with something and continued to clean. Once I had finished I sat down on the living room couch to take a break. There was a pounding on the door, the kind you hear as if it was urgent. My heart stopped. Who could be knocking on the door like this? My mind went back to the dream, wondering if something had happened to one of my parents. I nervously opened the door to see standing there a female deputy sheriff.

She asked, “Are you Nicole Dean?”

“Yes.”

Handing me a piece of paper, she said, “You’re to report to court.”

“What for?” I asked. 

She then stated that the summons was for an increase in child support scheduled for next week. I quickly told her I was unaware that I would be going to court, and I asked if Mr. Derek Smith knew and she replied yes. “I’ve already been to his home; his wife received the information, “I went there first”.

I smiled and thanked her because this was an unexpected surprise. Derek and I were High School sweethearts who had a child together before graduating. Derek wanted to do the right thing and get married upon my graduating. However, I felt that I was too young and I needed to figure out what I needed to do in life before becoming a wife, so I turned him down and chose to no longer be in a relationship with him, and that’s when the relationship started drifting into resentment.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7