Making Sense of the Jigsaw Puzzle

Preface
How often do we question seemingly random circumstances in our life? I, like most, have asked God so many times, “Lord, why have you not yet sent a child into our wonderful Christian marriage?” or “Lord, why did my wife, Tania, such a brilliant student in both psychology and social work, never find the career fulfillment she longed for?” Why did we have to come to New Zealand, where we had no family support? Why did my job take such a drastic turn at the point of time when our promised son finally arrived?
On the tenth of October 2008, the random pieces of this jigsaw puzzle came together to give us a glimpse of God’s plan for my family. On this day, our son Reuben was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). This may have been one of the darkest days of my life, and yet I could vividly see God’s hand behind this disappointing news. Through this life-changing disappointment, we have come to know our Creator from a totally different perspective; we have learned to see God’s grace and His love through the eyes of autism.
We share our story in the hope that you, in the depths of your own struggles, see your personal Savior for who He is.

Chapter 3—Two Books
Theuns

Walking into the doctor’s office was a seminal experience. Although we had prayed about Reuben and believed his problems were not too serious, we already knew what the outcome of this visit would be. What we were not prepared for was the finality of the official diagnosis and how much it would change our lives. There was no way the doctor was able to sugarcoat the news, so he delivered it directly and authoritatively: “Make peace with the fact that your son has severe autism.”
He gave us very few details, particularly because Tania was able to explain her understanding of the disorder. But he did make it clear that this was a serious mental disability that originated in specific abnormal brain functions. He made it clear that it was a lifelong disorder, and that there was very little we could do for Reuben, and that there was no known cure. Because of the seriousness of Reuben’s condition, there was little hope that he would ever be able to talk. His gross motor skills would be severely affected, and he would probably never be able to care for himself. The doctor also explained to us that the tantrum tendency behavior we were experiencing at that stage would only get worse. The most devastating certainty was that Reuben would be locked away in a world of his own for the rest of his life. Time froze, and we were both stunned for many days.
But something much bigger happened in that doctor’s room; neither of us could deny the hand of our Creator behind our circumstances. The way we both had been, in a way, “prepared” for this day, could not be mistaken. There was a Mighty Hand behind this. We have, to this day, tried our best to rationalize it, but we are able to understand little of our Creator’s methods.
Looking back at our lives before Reuben was born, it is remarkable to realize how our lives were shaped for this moment. The fact that we had to wait so long before he came along and the changes in our lives leading up to his birth, including our emigration to New Zealand, my significant changes in work, Tania’s work before she became pregnant, and every little detail that made up the jigsaw puzzle of our lives. Without emphasizing them too much at this point, later chapters in this book will show each individual puzzle piece and how it shaped our future to allow for such a wonderful child in our lives.
We know there cannot be any greater sorrow than a parent losing a child. The doctor’s news didn’t come even close to that, so why was it so hard to accept? We later started appreciating that we were undergoing a grieving process for our broken dreams at the time and were concerned for what was awaiting us and for the future of our child. Reuben’s diagnosis also came at a time when we should have been filled with great joy, because it was at that time we discovered that Tania was expecting our second child, Mia.
This was the hardest time of my life. One of my colleagues was on sabbatical, increasing my lecturing load while I was still new at the university. I was at the point of submitting my PhD, and my son had just been diagnosed with this mysterious disorder that most, including the specialist, knew little about. What should have been the highlight of my life suddenly became so meaningless. I remember the day I went to pick up the bound copies of my thesis. Tania had also asked me to bind a copy of the New Zealand Guide to Autistic Spectrum Disorder, so I was standing behind my car with two books in my hands. One, which was golden and engraved with my name, had taken five years of my life, and I knew every word within. The other was in so many respects completely foreign to me.
“Dear God, this is not how I would have wanted it. Lord, please take back my thesis and everything it symbolizes and means to me, but Lord, then take the other book as well.”
I hesitated a long time before putting both books in the back of my car. Somehow, these two books were connected to each other, and both were meant to be a part of my life. Since then, I have also realized that a learning process, much harder than a PhD, was just around the corner for both Tania and me.