Chasing the Wind

I have behaved like a man undecided about the prospect of matrimony with You,

a possum feigning death when caught in the projection of Your light, a boy a loving mother has raised

to be upright, who frolics around like a bastard when she is not present.

I come to You in prayer, seeking Your mercy, asking for Your inspiration, Your strength, and all else

that will keep my heart and mind awakened, only to succumb to chasing the wind.

I am like a mouth that intends to speak positive thoughts,

but with a slip of the tongue, my words offend my listeners.

A hand that extends itself to give and takes instead

An eye detached from its retina when in close sight of You

I do not say this in jest. I say it with aspirations of changing my way to Your way, for I have experienced

Your grace: it is good, it is right and it is pleasing to me.

Without question, I am most alive when awake in Your presence.

As a sunflower is to the sun, I am to You.

As the earth is to the sun, I am to You.

As the Christian is to the Son, I am to You.

We know You are the source breathing life into all things, understanding that our return to You is just as much an eventuality as a blessing. As rain evaporates from the seas and returns to the sky as cloud formations, I shall return to You.

As the surging waves backrush to the ocean, I shall backrush to You.

Yes, I am the body

You are the head:

Receive me.

I the mind

You the mind-boggling:

Enlighten me.

I the dust

You the breath:

Vitalize me.

I the man

You the image:

Reconcile me.

I the temple

You the magnetism:

Replenish me.

I the lantern

You the light:

Illuminate me.

Joyous is the man living alive in spirit.

Tireless is the man betrothed to his purpose.

Misguided is the man sleepwalking through life, chasing the wind.

O Beloved, when You implore me to pursue my own dreams,

I hide in the shadows of less capable men, pursing theirs.

Who have I become if not me? None other than You would know the answer. For you know me better

than I know myself and see my full bloom before the coming of spring.

Time and again, I lose sight of You in broad daylight, overlooking Your Omnipresence in plain sight.

It confounds me when my vision goes blurry even though I can see.

I heard You say, “Come,” during the solace of a morning shower. Awakened by Your word, my sense

of purpose ascended to a heavenly place. But soon after leaving the privacy of my home and entering

the workplace, I was overwhelmed with distractions. At once, I lost all previous train of thought and

continued throughout the day, oblivious to Your summons.

I have become a dog chasing after its own tail

A man enamored with the wrapping instead of the gift inside

A bassist who yearns to be in-the-pocket but can’t find the groove

A catholic priest who succumbs to his carnal nature and is confused about which side of the

Confessional booth to enter…

He is both a priest and penitent

As a man is both husband and philanderer

As a policeman is both peacemaker and hell-raiser

As a doctor is both lifesaver and murderer

As a judge is possessor of both good and bad judgment.

Beloved, only You can reconcile the dichotomy between the spirit and flesh

Only You can make the “crooked places straight”

Only You possess the undeserved kindness that absolves our sins

Only You can make the broken man whole again

Only You can close our eyes to the ways of the world

and reopen them to focus on what You have envisioned

Only You can purge us of “self” and merge us with Your selflessness.

Above all else, it is You that I seek.

Is it not Your breath that breathes life into mankind?

Is it not Your burning love that gives light to the sun?

And does not Your stream of tears travel through the river from which we drink?

And does not that same river lead to Your ocean?

O Beloved, strike me blind like the Apostle Paul, and on the third day, restore my sight with new vision.

Perhaps I, too, may become as impassioned about my purpose here as he was about spreading the gospel.

For now, I suffer from spiritual narcolepsy and have not followed Your treatment plan.

My symptoms have subdued me into a chronic state of complacency that has me neither hear nor there,

neither hot nor cold, neither alive nor dead. Please rid me of my futile attempts at chasing the wind.

Allow a greater awakening to persist. One that is real. One that is everlasting.