Blogging with God

Journey into the unknown I find that the older I get and the more I think I know, I discover that it really only leads to more questions. Some time ago my life was turned upside down with a desire to read the bible and discover more truths about God, the creator of all things. I began to have many intense dreams and the words on the pages of the bible began to become alive to me. It was almost too much to bear and I turned to a Pastor to help with some answers. This was of no comfort to my turmoil. At this point I turned to the internet. To find those who could help me with the spiritual dilemma I was in. I found many different spiritual concepts, conspiracy theories and many more things to occupy my mind and fill it with many more questions. I finally found a group of people who seemed to be able to help me discover answers for questions I had been looking for. While not really answers, more question, but at least we would share information so that together we could figure things out. I had never seen such a group so dedicated to finding answers and encouraging others to discover who they truly are. I realize we are truly spiritual beings and for most of my life it had been a part of me that had been kept safely hidden. I finally found a group that spent hours developing the spirit within. Dream and dream interpretation was a big part of this group. Finally people I could fit in with to share our search together. It would be the start of a 6 month journey that would change my life forever. As a child I had a great love for God. Something inside me knew that we are more than what we perceive. Before my earliest memory, my father had a tragic truck accident which left him brain damaged and like a child, to spend the rest of his many years to live in a nursing home. My mother was left to care for the 6 of her children on her own, after the tragedy of losing the husband she know, which would be almost too much for any human to bear. We all got through it and with God’s mercy and help, seemed to be strengthened by it all. Now back to the dream group. It was winter of 2010/11 and it seemed to be a great time to spend hours on the site trying to find the answers I had been searching for. One thing lead to another and I was able to develop connections with members and we seemed to help each other on our journey. Our dreams began to connect. Strange things began to happen at night and in my dreams that I could not understand. I began to get the feeling that instead of being a part of the group, there was the group and I may be an outsider. My desire to understand the spirit realm was still so strong that I stayed on the site to find more answers. One night late in March 2011, I went on the site. I said some things that made someone very angry. I was told that I would have my heart ripped out and we would party on the other side. I know this was not a good thing. He did what he said, though I don’t understand how these things happen. I physically felt my heart ripped out. I went to sleep only to wake up and realize that I was dying. I ran into the kitchen to get my daughter to call for an ambulance and I woke up. It was only a dream, but a very real dream. The next morning I woke up and I felt I was somewhere else. This was a terrible place. Everyone here was dark. I had been pulled into a dark dimension so that as I saw people, I would actually be destroying the good spirits that were a part of my former reality. As soon as all the souls of the good people were destroyed, the rest of the demons would leave me in this terrible place in fear. I withdrew in fears that all the spirits of those I know from the real world, would disappear when enough evil had taken over this realm. With good destroyed in the real realm they could leave this one now. They did many things to torment me. I could barely look at anything anymore without fear. One morning I was to go out of town but my beautiful Rotti was acting strange. I know that day, that I should put her down so that she would not turn on our family. So we did. Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy. I cannot change what I did to her, but have asked God to forgive me for taking her life and I know He has. There are too many things to go into right now. There are so many memories that I have tried to forget or that would be too much to put in this small blog. The torment was real to me. I thank God for his mercies and I believe that I am here today because He will never leave me or forsake me. I had such a wonderful, supportive family praying for me. I began to see signs of Judgment Day in May of 2011. Hum, would this be the time that they would leave me here alone. Finally someone told me of a minister who might be able to help me. It just happened to fall on this very day and very hour. What should I do? Stay home alone and miss judgment day or finally stand up and say I had enough, I will cry out to God to help me. The strength rose up inside me and I mustered up all the faith I had left to pray that God would deliver me from this torment. It is a day I will never forget. As we prayed, I felt things begin to change. I felt as if my fears were diminishing and my faith that I was truly still on earth was becoming more real again. The strange feelings in my body were disappearing and my mind was clearing. There was a weight lifted in my spirit and I felt that I could talk to God again. He had not left me at all; it was just that I could not feel his presence anymore. We prayed for hours and when we finished I really felt Gods love again. Ps 23 had never been more real The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. I can never erase the memories of what happened. I will never see this world the same again. Truly there is a cost to opening yourself up to others when you are seeking answers. Do I regret what happened? No. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. I don’t expect all to understand what I have said, but that’s okay. God always gets us to where He wants us, one way or another. I don’t fathom to understand the depth of what God’s plan is for our lives. But I do put my faith in the fact that His ways are higher than ours ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts. Where will this journey lead? From what I’ve been through in the last year, it will defiantly be up from here.