I AM…

Chapter Four
I am the good shepherd.
John 10:11, 14 (NIV)

Type-A. Perfectionist. Goal-oriented. Overachiever. Planner. Do-er. Go-getter. Clean-freak. These words describe my natural-self. Actually typing those words makes me squirm a bit and want to stop working on this chapter because it looks and sounds so harsh. As with anything else, these characteristics have both their pros and cons …
Pros: I have accomplished quite a bit for being under thirty years old (i.e. two degrees, marriage, career, house, running half-marathons). I never get bored because I am constantly doing something. I have a clean house, office, and car. I make sure I deliver the best that I have within me, which makes others happy because it is usually less work for them.
Cons: I suffer from anxiety because of all the pressure I put on myself to achieve this, and do everything “right.” I am not very flexible and rarely do anything without a specific plan. I get upset easily when things do not go my way or as planned. I tire easily because I am in a constant state of motion and am thinking about the next thing to do while working on another.
Whew! That is hard stuff. Have you ever taken a moment to write out both your strengths and weaknesses? A job interview never ceases to include this question, and we are told to always spin our weaknesses into a positive when answering, but I think sometimes we just need to be brutally honest with ourselves. I think we need to look at our pros and praise God, and then examine the cons and seriously consider how we might change for the better. Change is possible with God (Mark 10:27).
So many times in my faith-walk, I have been convicted of my natural-self and the cons, and it is a humbling experience, especially when God uses someone you love, respect, and hold in high regard to show you the ugly side of yourself. Been there, done that ... do not want it to happen again … but I know it will and that is how life goes sometimes. It is ultimately for our good when it happens. We certainly wish we could change overnight after it happens, but rarely does that occur, if ever. But we begin to change as we ponder this difficult stuff and pray for God’s mercy and grace to infiltrate our lives and transform us into someone more like Him.
God created and fashioned us into our own unique person, each with various skills, talents, abilities, and our own set of characteristics. I am generally content with who God made me – I know I am valued and that I bring good things to the table (see the list of pros above). But, when I look at my cons, I see that there is so much room for improvement because those times where I am so busy planning and carrying on like a mad-woman are the times where I am not looking to God and His plan. When I get anxious, I am not trusting in Him. When I am not flexible, I leave no room for His work to be done. When I am tired and ornery, I am not behaving as the blessed woman that I am. And this is not what I want for my life, and this definitely is not what God desires for me either.
Fortunately, I know God and am able to have a relationship with Him and hear His voice …
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep (John 10:11, NIV).”
“I am the good shepherd. I know my sheep and my sheep know me (John 10:14, NIV).”
Because of the sacrifice of Jesus (the Shepherd laying down His life for me), I am able to have my very own relationship with God, and participating in that relationship with God means that I learn who He is and who I am in Him. I recognize His voice, His truth, and I learn my true identity. And though I see how far I am from His perfection and glory (see the list of cons above), Jesus cares for me and meets me in my tender places to show me the way and guide me to Him.
Let’s face it, much like sheep need guiding into the pasture, so we too need guidance because we all fall short (Romans 3:23). Our ultimate Guide on this journey through life is Jesus Christ. He came to earth and made His dwelling among us to show us how to live. He ate, drank, walked, talked, communed, rebuked, preached, and died to show us how to live this thing called life. He did this to extend to us His care and protection. I know if I did not have the Bible (my personal roadmap through the travels of life), I would be lost and probably in some pretty horrid situations by now. When I read the Word of God, I am directed to where I need to go, shown what I need to do and how to do it; and as I follow it, I experience joy and satisfaction because my life is aligned with Him in those moments. It is a beautiful thing when that happens.