Tough Conversations with the Heart of Jesus

From the beginning of human civilization, one of our costliest weaknesses has been our fear of engaging in conversations that are difficult but necessary. Whether our fear takes the form of avoidance, anger, aggression, anxiety, intimidation, insult, dishonesty, false encouragement, or giving into something we know is wrong, it has posed a dangerous threat to relationships of all kinds for as long as we have existed. At times when we need to have the conversations we don’t want to have, we could treasure the opportunities that only those moments can provide. But instead, we tend to fear those moments. Our fear causes one of two outcomes – we avoid these conversations or we mishandle them. On the surface, the fear of mishandling them might sound like a good reason to avoid them, so that’s what we do. We decide that avoiding a tough conversation is best, because then we won’t cause any harm. But the problem continues to grow. So the conversation is the solution after all, and it’s a solution that can provide a wealth of unexpected blessings. So many relationships – so many lives – are diminished because we bypass the opportunity to speak the truth in love – to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said. So many blessings can be shared, so many breakthroughs can be achieved, for us and for others, if we are willing to tell the truth when it needs to be told in a spirit of selfless love. Tough conversations are frequently the turning point in a relationship. Sometimes they are a turning point in our lives. Occasionally they are a turning point in history. We gain the best outcome from tough conversations when we approach them with a strong heart. Jesus showed us the strongest heart of anyone who ever lived. He showed us what the heart of God looks like in human form. What He showed us and taught us applies beautifully to creating a strong heart for tough conversations. He showed us how to use the greatest strength of all – the strength of God’s heart – to achieve the most satisfying and productive outcomes from the challenging encounters we face – whether with loved ones, strangers or enemies. Tough conversations can have far-reaching effects, and the topic of tough conversations can have far-reaching implications. How we approach tough conversations – how we think about them, feel about them and engage in them – has a lot to do with who we want to be. Deciding who we want to be in a tough conversation can inspire us to decide who we want to be in life. The purpose of this book is to help you get the most out of tough conversations by embracing these moments as opportunities for beautiful transformation, for yourself as well as for others. We will explore the skills and mindset for success in tough conversations in the light of the heart of Jesus – the light in which we find the right kind of strength and influence for achieving the best results. I will discuss many examples – some from the Bible, some hypothetical, and some from the learning experiences of my own successes and failures. All of the stories that include me are true, but the names are fictional. The other stories not from the Bible are illustrations or composites, again with fictional names. Never in the personal experiences that I share will I set myself up as a model. The only model in this book is Jesus. Whether the tough conversation you face is with a family member, friend, teammate, boss, employee or co-worker, this book will help you apply what Jesus the Son of God has taught – through His words and actions, and through the words of the Apostles who learned from Him. From Chapter One of TOUGH CONVERSATIONS with the Heart of Jesus