Some Things You Never Forget:

In the beginning, it was my plan to share snippets of my life in the anticipation that they may have some meaning. In a journal format, I hoped to connect the events of any given day with a memory, a word of advice, a special tradition… particularly to my family and maybe some others who may benefit from hard lessons learned… at least when one has the good sense to do the right thing. There is a difference between living life day-to-day and really making a difference in your life – each day. When I started writing, it was my intent to somehow weave the most remarkable events in the life of an ordinary girl into a story that may touch a heart, but always leave the reader with a lesson learned, a clever tradition to carry on with their own family, a sweet memory of a mother’s heart… but mostly to point back to the God who made it all possible – especially the amazing victories. The impossibilities made possible… probable… even real. I also imagined that confession would be good for the soul, revealing the truth that I am just like any other sinner saved by the grace of God. To that end, I have suggested my greatest battles as the lion and the bear and the giant – from the Biblical stories in the life of David. As this text developed, snakes and other vicious creatures made themselves known. But in the end, this writing has become more than catharsis; it is a revelation. As the stories unfolded, the nature of the material has taken a bit of a twist. It is like life, the very essence of the topic is raw, unedited. It has also been an evolutionary process, in that it has turned into a very personal provocation for introspection and confession. I realize that not every battle is won; sometimes I am overtaken and the scars of defeat will live with me forever. Nonetheless, since I started to write, all I think of when I am not writing is what I’ve missed, points I’d like to make and mostly, how all of this is causing me to think and live differently today. It has not been my intent to hurt anyone through the truths told. If I have, I trust you will press through to either see reconciliation or to re-evaluate your own lives. Sad to say, but I have not, “changed the names to protect the innocent.” We all are who we are. I will undoubtedly and shockingly disappoint some. Frankly, I have vacillated as to whether some things are just better left unsaid – particularly as I am haunted by a former bosses’ critical comment to an isolated divulgence of a personal, private, and raw confession when he said, “Why in the world would you ever want to share such things?” In this account, it was a deliberate choice to lay it all bare, because if we are human, we all have secrets. We all make bad choices. We sin. And, like Adam and Eve of old, after we sin… while we are sinning, we hide. We cover ourselves, hoping those who count won’t notice. Inevitably, they do. Perhaps we are ashamed. Hopefully, we are repentant, but maybe not. I dare say if you are human, you will somehow relate, even if you cannot tell a soul how or why, even if you are not sorry, even if you profess to have a relationship with your God. I cannot undo my past and neither can you. I’m not even sure I would because it has shaped me. I doubt anyone who picks up this volume and chooses to turn its pages is flawlessly pure. I doubt anyone who picks up this volume and chooses to turn its pages will dispute that I not only tell my story, I may be telling yours as well. And so it begins…