Ministerial Emotional Well-Being

Chapter I
Ministerial Stress

A. Stress and the Pastor
A 42-year-old pastor came to me for counseling because of the stress he was experiencing. From all appearances, he seemed successful, having seen the average attendance on Sunday mornings in his church go from 22 to over 630 worshippers. He led the church in a multi-million dollar building program; his wife sits on the front row every Sunday, visibly supporting her husband’s ministry; his church and his family appear to be living the abundant life promised by Christ. But beneath the surface, things are not going well. With tears, he describes the strained relationships with his wife and children, his church staff, and the church board.

This pastor is stressed-out. He tenses while preaching whenever he looks down and sees his wife in the front pew looking up at him. The staff and he often disagree about the structure of worship services and the church board rarely agrees with him on anything. His health is broken. His family doctor tells him point-blank that his current stress level will “be the death of him.”
“What options are open to you?” I asked.
“None,” he replied. “I still feel called to the ministry and specifically to this congregation.”

That being the case, the only option I now see for him is to learn how to manage the stresses that have debilitated him. I felt confident that his present broken health could be turned around, both physically and emotionally. There was clear hope that the broken relationships with his ministerial staff, church board, and wife could be repaired.

Many of God’s servants, including pastors, missionaries, and other Christian professionals share this man’s circumstance. They are working so hard they are close to burnout. I know, for as a licensed professional counselor they come to me for help. Defeat, discouragement, mental problems, and broken, strained relationships are their experience. They feel, as I have felt over the years, insecurities, disappointments, and fear of failure, loneliness and the frustration of blocked goals.

Pastoring is at once the most appreciated and unappreciated of occupations. Pastors can soar to great heights or fall to new depths within moments of an encouraging compliment or a negative remark. I speak from personal experience, having been a pastor for more than 50 years. During these years I pastored several small congregations where the Sunday morning worship attendance was anywhere from 70 to 250. The church I presently pastor is a church my wife and I started 41 years ago. Its Sunday morning attendance averages 1,000 plus. I wish I could say I have loved every minute of pastoring all these years, but I cannot. There have been times I questioned my call; wanted to resign and do something else; wished I were anywhere but where I was. There were occasions I felt very sorry for myself.

Now I feel ashamed and embarrassed for being so transparent and acknowledging my feelings. But at my age and years in the pastorate, why not open up and tell it like it is―or like it was. However, I hasten to say I would do it all over again. Being a pastor is who I am and what I do. I could not imagine myself having done anything else with my life. The joys far outnumber the other experiences―so far outnumber them that I have a hard time even remembering the hard times.

Some of the things that stressed me the most during those years in the pastorate―and I am sure stresses most pastors―are the insecurities, disappointments, blocked goals, fears of failure, loneliness and other situations resulting in physical, emotional, and spiritual debilitation.

Stress is a thief…Jesus said, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10). Stress steals our happiness; our physical and mental health; our spirituality; our marriage and other relationships; and our ministry.

It is God’s will for us to live with spirituality, to live overcoming, victorious lives. He also wants us to live with healthy relationships-- to be physically and mentally well.

“Life” is God’s word and will for His people. One of my favorite verses is John 10:10, which describes the ministry of Jesus as, “I have come that they [redeemed people of God] may have life and that they may have it more abundantly.” That same verse describes the purpose and activity of the “thief.”

In Strong’s concordance (#4053) the word “abundantly” [perisso] means, “superabundance, excessive, overflowing, surplus, over and above, more than enough, profuse, extraordinary, above the ordinary, more than sufficient.”

Sadly, many of God’s people, including pastors, missionaries, and other Christian professionals, are not living and enjoying the abundant life that God offers. In addition to pastoring, I am a licensed professional counselor. I have counseled many clergymen who have (and are) experiencing defeat, discouragement, marital difficulties, health problems, mental problems, and broken, strained relationships. These people have not managed the stresses of life in appropriate spiritual and self-help ways. They have resulted in some of the negative experiences I have mentioned.