Confessions on the Road to Real

My name is Bond, Cliff Bond. I have been blessed by having a woman love me for over 50 years and married to me since September 5, 1964. She is one of the most realistic people I have ever met which is partly due to her training as an RN and partly just the way she is. When I flounder around trying to say what I want to say, she will say, “why don’t you just say it?” and lo and behold, she is right.

I grew up during the 50’s and the 60’s when cars were involved in a horsepower race that was intoxicating. My buddies and I looked under the hood of every car we could and looked inside to see how high the speedometer numbers went. “How fast will it go?” was the question we always wanted to ask. When I was old enough to buy my own car I had several that were fast and loud. I witnessed the births of the Hemi, the Mustang, the Camaro, the AMX and many other fast and loud machines. I bragged about how fast I could get from Cedar Rapids, IA to Kansas City, KS where my fiancé was going to nursing school. And that was back before the interstate highways were completed and much of my driving was on 2 lane roads, through all the little towns on the journey. Eventually I even built engines for my own car that I drag raced at Heartland Park Topeka in the ¼ mile from 1999-2004. But, even as I fell in love with fast cars I found that life could not be pushed too hard and that when it came to becoming a real person, fast was not always the best way to go. I began to learn, from others mostly, that life had its own pace. It is this discovery about that “slow lane” that is chronicled here.

Years ago I became friends with the children’s book, “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. What does it mean to be real? This delightful tale lets us know. We are real, the old skin horse says, when we are loved. That is scarier than it sounds because to be loved, he says, is to have our fur rubbed off in spots and maybe to lose an eye or have hairs pulled from our tail. It costs to be real. But, it is worth it. At least I haven’t lost an eye yet.

That is fine for a children’s book but what about real life? What does it mean to become real? The thesis of this book is that it takes the same thing. Being real happens only when we allow ourselves to be loved. Notice, I said, when we ALLOW ourselves to be loved. There is a cost. And it takes a lot of time. So, the journey to real is told in the format of confessions, of discoveries, of struggles, of failures and of successes. All are essential ingredients to becoming real. Neal Diamond says that “being lost is worth the being found” which is poetic talk for how hard the journey to real, really is—but it is worth it.

Being real is not a simple task. We are taught subterfuge and dishonesty from an early age. We seldom say what we mean or mean what we say. “How are you?” is answered dishonestly; most of the time, with “Fine”. One of my professors said to his students that when we are preaching to a congregation, remember that at least 40% are deeply sad or depressed at that moment. And yet, they will usually look very well indeed. We are not real with others and we are not honest with ourselves so we need to go on a journey to real.

Stories of my ministry are all entirely true although disguised in names so that confidentiality is maintained. They are not all easily told but that is part of being real. The individual chapters are intended to be free standing narratives so there will be repeated information common to more than one chapter. The stories are not always in chronological order which is intentional because insight does not come in a linear format but in surprises and intrusions into our orderly lives. The meditations interspersed in the text are by my wonderful wife, Carol, whose words bring me back, time and time again to the real “nitty gritty” of existence. Her words are tough and are not flowery. They, like her, are real, and it is to her and her real nature that this book is dedicated.

We were allowed to have 4 wonderful children, each of whom has influenced our life and enriched it in different ways. To these children; Craig, Clay, Camille and Cory, I say you are a blessing beyond measure and I thank you for supporting your minister dad as he found his path and followed it with your support. You never doubted me even when I doubted myself.

Along the way I have been privileged to share in the lives of many other pilgrims who are also on the same road. There are more than one might think and they come from all walks of life, both genders, every ethnic group, all religions, every relational persuasion, every age and every everything. In common, we have a desire to be more and to remain always dissatisfied with who and what we are at any given moment. We know we are not entirely real and that this is okay. To these fellow travelers I owe a great debt of gratitude because you have bumped into my life and left me feeling uneasy. Thank you. I will not begin to name names because the list is long. You will hear echoes of your lives in what I write so look for your wisdom because if you shared it with me, I have used it in my own journey. Thank you, again.

And then, there is the God of my understanding. I know my theology is inadequate but that also is okay. My concept of God is continually changing but it goes deeper, not shallower. I believe in a God who is also real, not just in existence but primarily in relationship. I could not function without that understanding of God. Like Popeye said in the cartoon, “I yam what I yam!” And God is who God is. Beyond that we are just scratching the surface. If you read the pages of this book you will find stories of how I came to my understanding of God. The stories are not pretty, all the time, but they are real. Christianity is not pretty all the time either. It deals not only with promise but with suffering, death, sacrifice and hardship. We make it pretty in our churches and cathedrals which is acceptable only if we remember that the sacraments we celebrate are indeed about a broken body and shed blood. No, it is not pretty at all but it is beautiful as only reality can be. So, God of my understanding, this book is really about you and how you entered into my experience and brought about wonders and miracles that leave me breathless. Thank you.

Cliff Bond, chaplain
Topeka, KS
2013