Life Isn't Fair!

Chapter Three: “…As I lay there, my mind swirling with every detail, I was replaying it over and over in my head and could not clear my mind. I was dumbfounded and appalled that this actually happened! Everything happened so fast. I laid there feeling violated, hurt, dirty, and embarrassed. How could this have happened to me? I was the macho type. These things don’t happen to men, especially men like me. I kept saying to myself; “I am a man; a man is not to think or feel this way!” I continued wrestling in my mind envisioning him climbing into my bed as I was sleeping.

This infuriated me! I was asleep when this all took place; I was vulnerable to his actions. I found it hard to fall back to sleep after this appalling incident. The more I thought about what had happened and how I was feeling, the more the anger began to stir up inside me. I was dealing with thoughts of just disfiguring his face and injuring him physically to the point that he would never be able to be aroused again. At the same time I was wrestling with thoughts of: “God help me! Please help me”! Then it turned to “God have mercy on me, I am going after him when I see him!” I could not wait until the morning came…”

Chapter Seven: “… When a person breaks an arm, he gets a cast and everyone sees it. One may have surgery done and they see the stitches on his/her body or arm. Maybe they have a big bruise on their arm or on their leg and people are able to see it. People will show sympathy for these people because they see the cast, the stitches, and the bruise. People will know that they are hurting because they can see the hurt. They can relate to what they see to the pain you are having.

People who experience a trauma do not have a physical hurt on the outside that people can see and they can’t relate to the hurt that he/she is experiencing. They know that what had happened to you did hurt you, but they soon forget the hurt you are going through because they do not see it in the natural realm. Therefore, they expect you to get over it right away!

The trauma you experienced attacked you emotionally and it spiritually bruised you on the inside. They cannot see you are hurting so they soon expect you not to be hurting at all. They do not understand why you are still dealing with what happened to you. People do not always know how to relate to you unless they have experienced a similar trauma in their life, especially if you don’t carry physical evidence of your pain …”