Crushing Codependency and Relational Idolatry

Weeks before I walked through the door for my first counseling session, I had already identified my problem. Texting my new friend, I exclaimed: “I’m here to face the giant!”
The giant was not the appointment. The giant was not the therapist. The giant was neither my friend nor her words of affection. The giant was not even me. A most despicable goliath had emerged as the newly-resurrected entrapment of emotional dependency working itself out in relational idolatry.
Steven Furtick, founder and lead pastor of Elevation Church, teaches on facing the giant. He says, “First, we must face the fact of the giant. This requires honesty. Then, we must remember that it is what it is, but it’s not what it seems.”* Seeing the armies of Israel and the Philistines gathered on each side of the Kidron Valley, David could have thought the end was near. Without his love for and intimate relationship with God, he never would have believed he could defeat the Philistines by approaching the giant with only a sling and a pouch of five smooth stones. Facing the fact of the giant, he possibly said to himself, “It is what it is, but it’s not what it seems.”
When victory is possible but appears insurmountable, we gather courage to plow forward, believing for a good ending. My dad taught me that if you put a stake at the end of the row and, while moving forward, keep your eyes on it, you will plow a straight row. On this journey, the stake speaks of God and His never-ending supply of love, mercy, and grace and His help in time of need. When we take our eyes off Him, our row goes crooked and we fail.
Writing Crushing Codependency and Relational Idolatry has been just one of many therapeutic components of a tumultuous journey that began a few years ago with my husband’s homegoing. It was at that time, as God allowed me to go through the valley, I cried out to Him and submitted my will to His. I began to heed an admonition I had memorized long ago:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Prov. 3:5-6)
Mark Twain says, “Truth is stranger than fiction … because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t.”** The impossibilities in this story are true and may, indeed, seem stranger than fiction.
I cannot tag this narrative as a feel-good story, but I hope something within these pages makes you smile. Neither can I tout its message as inspirational, but I trust you will find inspiration. If teaching comes about, the Holy Spirit will be the One teaching you. In writing my story as a memoir, I have found freedom in sharing realities of a life gone wrong and ultimately redeemed by the God who never left.
Regarding the darkest days and nights of my journey, much of what I write describes the consequences of bad seeds I had sown. Perhaps you have gone through dark times and can relate to the depths of blackness. I understand the psalmist when he says, “It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees” (Ps. 119:71).
I do not have the option to write in safe mode. As with everything else, I must trust God to honor with His mercy my intentions to share truth. To convey the extent to which God rescued me from sin and hopelessness, I have tried to communicate the Holy Spirit’s coaching, as He has applied God’s Word to my path. In a day-by-day reliance upon God, each Scripture has touched me personally. In this candid account, what His Word says about a situation is more important than the situation itself.
To show how the enemy of my soul (Satan) tripped me up repeatedly and how God’s love, mercy, and grace intervened, I have revealed a great amount of personal interaction with others. While involved in the process of writing, unanticipated circumstances led me to record additional occurrences that further exposed the stubbornness of the stronghold that had befallen me so many years ago and had hung on for decades. With prayer, carefulness, and transparency, I have carved details into words and, with deference to beloved people and life-giving programs, have masked some of the names and circumstances.
When he prepared to meet the giant, David left no doubt whose battle this was. He clearly stated, “All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give all of you into our hands” (1 Sam. 17:47, my emphasis).
While reading about my journey from shame-based religion to a grace-based relationship with the Three-In-One, may you grow to understand the devastation that can occur as a result of codependency. Perhaps, from experience, you already know the destruction it causes. In following this story, you might observe several intertwined threads: fear, God’s perfect love, His grace, His sovereignty, and the intriguing aspect of Southern women.
Remember, because each of our journeys are different, I can’t instruct you based upon God’s path for me. Even if you face a similar problem, because of your one-of-a-kind backstory and your unique circumstances, the details will be quite different. Nevertheless, come alongside me as I prepare for and enter into battle with the giant. I encourage you to ask the Lord to begin to reveal the story of your victory.
Are you facing a giant, today? God wants you to live free! No matter how many times you’ve tried before to overcome the chains of grief and depression, lose that addiction, or defeat the lies that bind you in any way, shape, or form, He, alone, is your answer. Are you only a “stone’s throw” from freedom?
*Steven Furtick, Pastor, “It Is What It Is but It’s Not What It Seems,” Elevation Church sermon April 24, 2016.
**Mark Twain, Following the Equator, a Journey Around the World, (Hartford, CT: The American Publishing Company, 1897), Kindle, Loc. 2091.