Clergy Commuter Marriages

Covenant is not a common concept in church circles much less in the general population. While related to a promise or contract, which people understand, a covenant has a greater depth of meaning and application, particularly in a biblical context. Promises and contracts are binding agreements between parties; covenants go beyond agreements and bring the parties into relationship with each other. 
When my wife and I purchased our home, we signed a sales agreement setting the price and terms of the purchase. Everything was explicitly stated and legally binding. Signing the contract, we bonded ourselves to uphold the agreement, but not to a relationship with the seller. We never meet her, never spoke to her, and negotiated everything through our real estate agent. It was an impersonal, detached process. 
When we enter into covenants, we commit to ongoing relationships with the others. God enters into covenant with us. It began in the Garden of Eden. In creating Adam and Eve, God entered into relationship with them. God breathed into them the breath of life and the Spirit bringing them alive and committing to be in relationship with them. Even when they broke that relationship, God sought them in the Garden desiring to restore what was severed. It’s the first demonstrative good news of God’s covenant with us. 
Covenant language is evident throughout the scriptures. God makes a covenant with Noah and his sons. More familiar is God’s four-fold covenant relationship with Abraham. God promises to make Abraham, the “ancestor of a multitude of nations” ; “to be God to you and to your offspring after you” ; “give to you, and to your offspring after you, the land where you are now an alien, all the land of Canaan,” ; and “every male among you shall be circumcised.” Ultimately, God enters into a covenant with us through Jesus Christ. Desiring to be in temporal and eternal relationship with us, God sent Jesus to mend the brokenness in the relationship caused by sin and to redeem us. Jesus uses covenant language in the institution of the Lord’s Supper: “Then he took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And he did the same with the cup after supper, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.” 
God has entered into a covenant with us and claims and calls us God’s own. God’s covenant is not only descriptive of what God will do, but also what God requires of those who enter into this relationship. God requires that we fulfill our obligation: “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Covenants flow in both directions between those in the relationship. 
Not only do we have a covenant with God, we also enter into other sacred covenants that emerge from our relationship with God. One of those covenants is the commitment and relationship we have with our spouse. While marriage can be understood in the legal terms of a contract between two people, in the Judeo-Christian tradition, it is a covenant willingly entered into by two persons. The wedding vows use the relational language of “loving, honoring and cherishing each other,” rather than the legal jargon of contractual, binding agreements. Next to our covenant with God, marriage is the most solemn, holy covenant we make in life. 
The ritual begins with the acknowledgement that persons gather in the presence of God, who is the author of the covenant of marriage. Charged to recall the holy covenant into which they are entering, the groom and the bride state the covenant to each other: “I, , take you, , to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for the rest of my life. This is my solemn vow.” Wedding rings, symbols signifying the solemnity of the covenant, are usually then exchanged. A declaration of marriage by the officiant confirms the covenant made between the couple. 
The importance and significance of the marriage covenant is evident throughout scripture. While marriage at times solidified treaties and assured economic security, it was considered a holy commitment paralleling the relationship between God and God’s people. In the Hebrew Testament, Israelite men were prohibited from marrying foreign women and divorce was highly restricted, because both were considered breaches of the covenant with God. In the Christian Testament, when questioned and challenged on the issue of marriage and divorce, Jesus teaches that a man is not to divorce his wife as what God joined together no one is to separate. While acknowledging the reality of divorce in his day, Jesus understands it as a concession and a breaking of covenant, rather than as an open option for believers. The early church leader, Paul gave the first believers instructions on marriage and the restated the prohibition against divorce. He also uses the analogy marriage to represent the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Marriage was and is a holy covenant that ties persons to each other and is to reflect the love and nature of our relationship to God. 
Another important covenant for clergy is their vow to serve God. As persons called from among the people of God, clergy have a sacred covenant with God, the people, and other ordinands. In the United Methodist tradition that covenant is expressed in this way: ‘Ordained persons exercise their ministry in covenant with all Christians, especially with those whom they lead and serve in ministry. They also live in covenant of mutual care and accountability with those who share their ordination, especially in the United Methodist Church, with the ordained who are members of the same annual conference and part of the same Order.” This covenant connects clergy to the communities they serve and each other through the Order of Elders, Order of Deacons, or association of local pastors. The purpose of the Orders is to provide “for continuing formation is relationship to Jesus Christ,” “develop a bond of unity,” and for mutual care and accountability.” This covenant is like others is a sacred trust. 
In the grand design, for clergy and their families, these covenants are to work in harmony with each other. With one’s relationship with God always primary, it steers, supports and sustains the other relationships. Marriage is not to be conflict with one’s relationship with God, but rather an expression of that covenant. Similarly, one’s relationship to God is integral to ordination and is to work in concert with one’s commitment in marriage. All three covenants need to seamlessly interact to maintain a vital relationship with God, a happy marriage, and a fulfilling ministry.