In Full View of God

Prologue

Becoming a young adult is a really confusing and challenging time. And even when you have everything going your way….you can make decisions about love and sex that affect the rest of your life. I know. I had a great family and childhood, I did not need for anything, I was well-loved, I knew Jesus early in my life, and I respected and loved God. But although I was saved, I had never really found a good relationship and friendship with Jesus. I don’t think I understood how much he wanted one with me, and I sure didn’t how to make it happen or what I was missing.

I had a best friend in high school, and we mostly got to know guys through school and sports. I fell in love early in high school and was already dreaming of a future with marriage and family. But when the boy I loved decided to choose someone else, Satan began to work on me and tell me I must not be very valuable, or pretty, or important to other people. I guess that I was so caught up with my own feelings and how others felt about me, that when they changed their feelings I was empty and did not know how to fill this emptiness with Jesus. So I began dating boys who didn’t treat me like I hoped to be treated. I gave away important parts of myself sexually…By just trying to ‘belong’ with the crowd and fill the emptiness, I was actually making decisions that isolated me further from what I really wanted. What I wanted was true love.

One day in college a girl in my dorm reached out to me – literally – with a kiss that changed my world. Not a light kiss, but a deep sexual kiss. It took my breath away. For the next 10 years I lived highs and lows of lust, love, and confusion with both men and women in a life that I thought was ‘secret’. I had multiple relationships as I experimented with this new love. This forbidden love. I ran from God, argued with God, and tried to negotiate with God. The kiss changed the course of my life, and my subsequent actions in turn changed the course of others’ lives. What finally cut through the chaotic fog and gave me a clear message of hope and worth and direction? Jesus. His Holy Spirit, who was in me and had never let me go throughout this tumultuous ride. Who saw me just as I was, secrets and all.

If the Holy Spirit was able to reach me in my confusion, He can certainly reach you and give you clarity. God loves you deeply, has a plan for your life, and will be there to see you through and to it if you will allow Him to move you. And He longs for you more than you will ever know. So much that he gave his Son to be born as a man, die, conquer Satan and death, and return again so that He could get you back. If you are wondering which way to fall, fall in love with Jesus.