Letters from a Black and White World

For over fifty years a collection of letters stowed in a shoebox remained untouched. Addressed in a youthful, cramped backhand, stained with coffee rings, and smudged fingerprints, a nun’s story is revealed on the handwritten pages.

Corresponding with her family 2000 miles away, the letters give a peek into the daily routine and customs of convent life in a long-ago era, a time radically different from today. The story unfolds amidst the framework of the actual letters, providing a unique view from the inside. A typical adolescent eager to spread her wings is portrayed, a teen who didn’t exactly fit the “good Catholic girl” mold of the 1950’s─a time when developing America enjoyed peace, Catholic parishes thrived, and convents boasted an unprecedented population of 130,000, mushrooming to 186,000 within a decade. It is during this prolific period that Teresa left rural Idaho and entered a novitiate in Missouri. From there, and from the other places her journey took her, she wrote to her family, chronicling her day-to-day experiences. Now fifty+ years later, she fills in between the lines to reveal the whole story─a story both enlightening and amusing, a story of the personal transformation that took place, a love story, a coming-of-age story replete with the conflicts, confusion, and enthusiasm of a normal adolescent, a story revealing the absurd expectations and obstacles to normal maturation common in the process of religious formation of that time.

Teresa’s personal reflections and frank comments in the letters illustrate both positive and negative feelings, describing the transformation from a frivolous teenager into a serious Vowed Religious.

“Don’t give my things away too soon, this place at times gives me the creeps and I hate it,” she cautions her mother in an early letter. After receiving the habit she wrote, “We were told not to expect a change just because we dress differently, but Oh! What a change I feel inside.”

However, much is left unsaid. Between the lines lie untold incidents, explanations of the training process, and background pertinent to the beliefs and practices of mid-20th century Catholics. By filling in these details in retrospect, she rounds out the picture sketched in broad strokes in her letters. Further enhancing the picture, Teresa adds reflections on the transformation that took place, analyzing the process and consequences that have affected her life over the intervening decades.

Spontaneous, unaffected writing in the letters is juxtaposed with current prose revealing a more reflective person in contrast to the fun-loving younger counterpart. Language in the letters reinforces the disparity, while phrases from that era penned by the teen bring to life a 1950s idealistic adolescent, fresh-faced, upbeat, somewhat of a Pollyanna. Her sense of goodness and wholesomeness will endear her to the reader who then empathizes as the indoctrination slowly whittles away her joie de vivre.

The letters burst with youthful enthusiasm about the place, the people, the routine, and the many aspects of training, recounting circumstances that brought her to the convent, humorous incidents, daily routines, difficult times, inner conflicts concerning the “rules”, customs and practices peculiar to nuns, recreational adventures and elaborate celebrations, reflections on inner changes experienced, and overall, a love story in a journey toward God.

Teresa adds descriptions of rituals, routines and significant items, tells of incidents not contained in the letters, includes scenes, dialog and descriptions that bring the characters and settings to life, explains terms and religious rites, relates relevant personal history, gives reference to Church history, dogma, Church teachings, elucidates archaic customs and morals, and points out significant changes resulting from Vatican II.

The fact that nuns are really quite ordinary people, who happen to feel a call to a different lifestyle, has long been overshadowed by holy myth and fantasy. Reinforcing these myths are images of walled convents with formidable fort-like entrances, and strangely dressed women inside skulking around. The nun-teacher, attired in yards of black, wearing somewhat outrageous headgear, closed the classroom door and disappeared into her mysterious world behind the cloister gates. This portrait of a nun has been revised, thanks to reforms taking place in the 1960’s. Nevertheless, the life of the “old world” nun remains a curiosity to some, to others a conundrum. Convents were bulwarks of secrecy; what went on behind those bastion walls remained mysterious. Questions arise from simply wondering, where did nuns sleep and what did they eat, to asking why the strange, black, uncomfortable looking clothes? Why would a woman commit to a hidden life, shunning marriage, motherhood and the pleasures of the world? Today the Catholic Church is struggling under despicable scandal; the 1.2 billion members asking the same questions other denominations are asking. How could such abuse occur? How could superiors condone, ignore and even hide this behavior? One answer lies in the Catholic mindset of the past, in attitudes toward authority, hierarchy, holiness, the body, the world and its pleasures. This old world mindset, with its black and white morality, an insidious fear of hell, an unquestioned hierarchy, and accepted secret cover-ups and denials, emerges from the candid words in her letters. In Letters From a Black and White World, the letters, interspersed with reflections and Teresa’s search for meaning, provide insight into these harmful attitudes and practices.

From this unique insiders view of convent life, readers will find answers to their many questions about the uncommon life of a nun. Murky images will be made clear; rumors debunked and myths exposed.