Confessions of a Lukewarm Christian

Introduction

It was almost noon on an ambitious Saturday morning. The holidays were looming around the corner and I had checked off almost everything on my 'to-do list'. Coffee in one hand and my favorite magazine in the other, I nestled into my preferred chair enjoying the aroma of a freshly brewed pot of java. The peace was suddenly interrupted when my teenage son, David, began his frantic unrelenting cries, "Mom! Mom what are you doing? Why are you just sitting there? " It's only fair to mention that David was waiting for me to finish cutting his hair. He sat on the kitchen stool with a towel draped across his shoulders, the left side expertly cut and groomed while the right side remained a shaggy mess.

David had approached his list of chores to finish that day with a sloppy work ethic and this was my cruel attempt to teach him a lesson about finishing his work. "David, did I ask you to unload the dishwasher? "

Of course, the whining and panicked tone in is voice continued, "Yes, now finish my hair, I have a game tonight! "

"What about the dishes you left on the counter? "

His sigh revealed disdain at my ignorance for semantics; the dishwasher was empty just as I had asked. The dishes on the counter showed his oblivion as to where they belonged. While remaining in my comfy chair and slowly turning the next page of House Beautiful, I calmly explained that once he discovered where the dishes belonged, finished cleaning his room by putting away his clean clothes, the bathroom was free from mold in the bottom corner of his shower, and the garbage found its way to the garage, I would finish cutting his hair. Technically, he did unload the dishwasher, he had made his bed and vacuumed the floor, wiped the toothpaste from his sink, and he did bag up the garbage from around the house. According to teenage law, I was supposed to be thrilled that he at least attempted to do his chores and was willing to be seen with me in public! My little experiment was meant to exaggerate my expectations for a higher standard of behavior. I wanted him to realize that mediocre compliance was not enough.

Several years later I have come to realize that my own mediocrities and lukewarm approach to life has robbed me of much joy and happiness. "I know everything you have done, and you are not cold or hot. I wish you were either one or the other. But since you are lukewarm and neither cold nor hot, I will spit you out of my mouth. You claim to be rich and successful and to have everything you need. But you don't know how bad off you really are. You are pitiful, poor, blind, and naked. " Revelation 3:15-17. (CEVD) ¹

I confess I've been a Lukewarm Christian for way too long. I never fit the mainstream Christian theme in the United States. I rarely go to church and I embrace a factual vs. emotional view about the bible. I compare Revelation to my science courses, knowing that eventually the sun will implode and the earth will be no more. Despite my many talents and independent façade, I'm fiercely dependent on Christ. I believe in angels, and sometimes I'm still afraid of the dark. I also have crazy illusions of grandeur: If I could come up with an invention that a million people would buy, and only profit a dollar, I could be a millionaire. Sadly, I have not been truly successful at anything. Innately, I know there is something more important planned for my life.

In a recent attempt to ignore the lack of true worldly success in my life, I abandoned the phrase "Jack of all trades and master of none, " and prefer to say I'm diversified! I've been a seamstress, clothing designer, artist, teacher, interior designer, and most recently, my childhood dream of becoming a writer; but I haven't abandoned any of the prior. I recently read an article aimed toward inspiring full-time artists. The jest of the article was about being passionate and dedicated enough to produce a lot of inventory and then having enough faith in yourself to effectively self-promote. That was an 'aha' moment! Only the most passionate artists become famous, not the most talented ones. I have talent and interest in too many things, giving nothing enough passion or dedication to be amazing. My Christian walk is no exception.

I've determined that it's not the lack of self-control that keeps me from doing the right thing, but the lack of passion. When troubled about my decision to eat chocolate ice cream, it's not an issue of self-control, but deciding if my grand illusions of a slimmer more healthy body is more important than chocolate. Obviously my passion for chocolate is greater. This spills into the fact that I often educate myself to many things but then don't follow through. Case in point, the last time I bought grapefruit it rotted in my fridge, despite all the time I spent learning about the health benefits of this amazing fruit.

I share my journey to end mediocrity in my life and answer those unrelenting inner thoughts of self-doubt. Finally, I'm able to answer the question why I'm here, concluding that it is not success that I'm searching for, but the possibility to live a life centered only in Christ's love.