Created for Significance

Introduction

When I was growing up in the inner city and then in the suburban environments of New Jersey, the neighborhood kids had a slogan: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me!” I am sure many of you heard or recited a similar ditty. A child may hear someone call them names like, “jerk”, “dork”, “unwanted”, “failure”, “ugly”, or “spaz”, and the above slogan would be a noble attempt to deflect such names and criticisms. While this statement was intended to deflect hurtful names and labels, the reality is that names did hurt - and often stuck! They often hurt more than sticks and stones. It is such names and labels that can have a damaging, even devastating, effect upon a youngster. Names and labels are often carried into adulthood as descriptions that stick, and we tend to believe them for the rest of our lives. We often mistakenly base our significance upon such names. The names and beliefs regarding our significance translate into behaviors, leading the individual into either positive or negative consequences and positive or negative relationships.

Over the years, I have spoken to several physicians who have acknowledged to me that my job as a minister or counselor was often more difficult than their profession. They would reason that they could see most of the wounds and ailments in people, through the naked eye, X-rays, MRI’s, and other technology. These tools helped to identify the physical broken bones or biological internal wounds caused by physical “sticks and stones”, so to speak. Such knowledge helped these professionals tremendously in creating treatment plans for their hurting clients. Inner wounds to the soul, however, are not as readily seen and can be very difficult to pinpoint. Yet, they can have an equal effect, if not greater, upon an individual’s life and relationships. Words and harmful actions from significant people in our lives, especially when we are young, can produce personal labels, personal outlooks upon life, personal self-worth, and personal abilities to develop meaningful relationships. These names, labels, and self-beliefs can hinder the core longings that exist in every human being. That is, of course, until such names are challenged and changed by the truth of who we really are and how we are really valued.

Thanks to the teachings Dr. Anne Halley, I have come to understand and appreciate that we as human beings are all wired with the same core longings and the need for them to be met. Before the Fall in Genesis chapter three, these deep human desires were met directly by God Himself. After Adam and Eve sinned, relationship with God was broken. Man and woman mistakenly believed that they were then left to meet their own longings and desires through their own efforts. Ever since the rebellion in Eden, human beings have been making that same mistake. Broken relationship with God leads to selfish and evil ways of meeting these longings. Such pursuits alter our identity and change who we are, which in turn further ruins relationships. I see the brokenness in people almost everyday now, as they try to meet their deep longings. I also witness hurting people’s attempts to recover from being used and abused by others, who themselves were using hateful and evil ways of obtaining that which they felt they needed.

This book will introduce what I believe are the six core longings in every human being. Then, I will focus on the core longing of significance as the main subject of this book, with future titles yet to come to present the other five. This series will be entitled, the “Created For” series:

Created For Significance
Created For Covering (Safety)
Created For Purpose
Created For Belonging
Created For Love
Created For Understanding

Significance means the importance or the meaning of something or someone. In other words, significance is related to our identity. Such truth is not easy to come by in our overly critical, name-calling, and cynical society. To hear affirmations and receive, what Carl Rogers calls “positive regard” are aspects that everyone needs but are often scarce. Significant people in our lives often have much impact and power to render either curses or blessings. However, in this competitive and disrespectful environment in which we live, put-downs are more prominent than praises. As a result, our identities and the meaningfulness of our lives become casualties to the put downs, abuse, and materialistic worldview.

But, there is good news! God sees us so differently than how others view us. God also sees us differently than we see ourselves. It is often difficult to change the labels we believe to be true back to the way God has defined and designed us to be. Somewhere along the way, someone or something has altered or destroyed the significance of our lives. Names that have become who we are, what we do or don’t do, and how we see ourselves as it relates to our world, somehow does not meet the desire to feel significant. Many of us have experienced disappointing and traumatically hurtful situations that have robbed our identity. Many of us have “flip their own labels” through negative and inaccurate self-talk. God has a way of letting us know that He values us in such a way that these names and labels can be reversed. The truth is we are significant to Him!

It is critical that we begin to allow God to define us. It is also critical for us to see God accurately for who He is as well. Dr. Joseph M. Stowell writes, “If you live with a distorted view of someone you will inevitably pass it on to others” (Stowell, 2003). If we live with a distorted view of God, we express that to others through our life. Living with a personal distorted view will cause us to present ourselves a certain way to others also. Unless we see ourselves as God sees us, we may be forever in bondage to the names and labels that were once spoken over us as a child. We have often given other individuals the power to define who we are. This occurs in many ways: through spoken words, traumatic events, hurtful events, abuse and neglect, just to name a few. In order for inner healing and right understanding of who we are to transpire, a person needs to allow God to have His say and to touch our damaged and wounded spirit.

There are basically three ways to view God and man. One way is to have a good opinion of self and a bad opinion of God. This is essentially humanism. This view asserts that self-discovery lies within, and God is not necessary in the process. Man can experience self-actualization on his own, and as a result, can discover who he or she is, and become good. However, leaving God out is deadly. The second way is to have a bad opinion of self and a good opinion of God. Many Christians fall into this category. We are indeed born into sin and operate through a fallen sinful nature. We may have accepted Jesus Christ’s finished work for us on the cross and been redeemed, yet we may have trouble believing that God actually loves us and desires good things for our lives while we are still on earth. We may believe that God is good and loving, but we somehow are still trying to earn more of His love. Some people I have come across have even stated that God cannot possibly love them because of who they are and what they did in the past.